Prostate stimulation produces distinct forms of pleasure and orgasm, but requires breaking powerful cultural taboos.
Men take for granted that our only source of pleasure is the penis, and that the male orgasm is limited to the few seconds it takes to ejaculate. However, in the male body there are sources of pleasure other than the penis, and orgasms other than ejaculation.
Prostate stimulation can produce intense pleasure, even leading to an orgasm that is described by those who have experienced it as deeper and longer-lasting than the orgasm produced arising from the penis.
If the G-spot is or female prostate - the Skene's gland -, then the prostatic orgasm in men would be analogous to the vaginal orgasm in women, while penile orgasm would be equivalent to clitoral orgasm.
What is the prostate?
The prostate is a gland located between the root of the penis, the urinary bladder and the rectum. It is traversed by the urethra. Its function is to secrete a liquid that constitutes 30% of the semen. The rest is produced by the seminal vesicles. Semen serves to keep alive the spermatozoids, which are cells produced in the testicles. During fertilization, one of the spermatozoids in the semen fuses with the oocyte produced by the woman to give rise to the embryo. Half of the genetic material (the DNA of the chromosomes) of the new living being is provided by the spermatozoid.
During ejaculation, the pelvic floor muscles surrounding the prostate and the seminal vesicles contract powerfully, sending semen into the penis. The pleasure that occurs during ejaculation comes, in part, from this squeezing of the prostate. Perhaps this is why massaging the prostate produces pleasure. However, the sensation of stimulating the prostate is quite different from that of stimulating the penis.
Why men reject sexual stimuli other than the penis
The only most effective way to stimulate the prostate is from the rectum, which requires anal penetration. This is a significant psychological barrier for many men. There is a strong taboo against a man being penetrated. This is considered something that is done only to women, so men are feminized and emasculated if they are penetrated.
Patriarchal culture grants privileges to men, as long as they behave according to certain norms of masculinity. They need to "be manly ": be strong, tough, fight with courage, and work hard. They also need to give up feminine forms of pleasure.
A man is expected to obtain his pleasure during sex by penetrating the woman with a large and firm penis, ending with a powerful ejaculation. Pleasure that comes from erogenous zones other than the penis, such as the buttocks, nipples and anus, is considered feminine and therefore forbidden to the male.
This cultural taboo goes even deeper. It associates penetration with submission and defeat. This is transmitted through well-known expressions: “getting fuck in the ass”, “up your ass”, and “fuck you” are synonyms of defeat and subjugation.
In patriarchal societies, effeminate men are denied masculine privilege and relegated to a status even lower than women. But gays are precisely those who are most familiar with alternative sources of male pleasure: the nipples, the anus and the prostate.
Hence, enjoying pleasure from anal sex and the prostate requires recognizing the privileges and prohibitions that locks men up in a psychological prison, away from certain ways of being and feeling. For this reason, being penetrated can help us, not only to accept new forms of pleasure, but also to liberate ourselves and opening up to other ways of understanding masculinity.
Men can also receive anal sex
Fortunately, sex-positive culture, following the footsteps of the gay movement, have begun to break through these sexists prejudices. Knowledge of the erotic properties of the prostate dates back to ancient times. More recently, it spread among gays and was later picked up by dominant women and submissive men. Nowadays it is also practiced in heterosexual, vanilla couples, without any connotation of dominance-submission.
Anal penetration of women is a common sexual fantasy in both men and women. Many women find anal sex pleasurable. The same goes for men.
How to stimulate the prostate
The prostate can be found by inserting a finger into the anus. To avoid fissures and hemorrhoids, use lubricant for any anal penetration. If we feel the anterior wall of the rectum, we will find a lump the size of an egg or a walnut. That's the prostate.
At first, pressing on the prostate produces an uncomfortable sensation. It is common to feel the urge to urinate, because the pressure in the prostate is transmitted to the urinary bladder, where nerve endings in its walls interpret that pressure as the bladder being full. The same thing happens with the stimulation of the G-spot in women: it is also read as an urge to urinate.
It is better to massage the prostate gently, in a relaxed and sexually exciting environment. We can accompany it with stimulating the penis, nipples and other erogenous zones. You should have a spirit of adventure to face the taboos I mentioned before. Some men find it helpful to adopt a submissive role, although this is not necessary to enjoy anal sex.
It may be necessary for the first tries to be short, and to train the prostate in successive sessions in which the intensity and duration of the massage is increased. Little by little, we develop the nerve pathways that send these sensations to the brain, making them more and more pleasurable.
I would advise exploring these sensations by yourself at first, in mindful, deliberate masturbation sessions, with time to spare. You can start with your finger and then with a suitable dildo. It is best not to have high expectations at first. You have to consider it as a training that requires time, patience and perseverance. As the prostate becomes more sensitive, we will feel the desire to stimulate it more vigorously.
The pleasure from the prostate does not require an erection and can actually suppress an erection. So, not having one shouldn’t worry you. Stimulating the penis at the same time can help us get excited. But it can also be distracting, drawing our attention to the pleasure channel we've been using all along, instead of to the new sensations we want to open up to.
The prostate is not the only source of pleasure in anal sex. The anus is also very erogenous, as is the part of the rectum next to the anal sphincter, especially on its anterior face.
Butt plugs and dildoes
Stimulating the prostate with a finger is difficult and tiring, since it has to be inserted deeply into the rectum. It’s better to use stimulators designed for this. Some have a special curvature to go around the prostate. Others are designed to move when the anus is squeezed.
Butt plugs have an oblong, conical, or pear-shaped part that goes into the rectum, a narrowing for the anus, and a wide or elongated base that stays outside to allow retrieval. They can be of many materials. There are soft ones, made of rubber or silicone, and hard ones, made of plastic, metal or glass. They are inserted for a certain time, dilating of the anus and progressively stimulating the rectum and prostate. Some butt plugs are designed to move when the anus is contracted. Others are electric, stimulating the prostate with vibrations.
Dildos are penis-shaped, straight or curved, without a constriction for the anus. They are designed for fucking, that is, to be used with a back-and-forth motion. This produces a lively stimulation of the prostate. Like butt plugs, they come in many shapes, sizes and materials.
Pegging: fucking a man with a strap-on
Dan Savage is a sex-positive writer who produces The Savage Lovecast podcast. One of his specialties is to create new words for sexual practices, which he requests from his audience. One of the terms invented this way is pegging. It’s a sexual act in which a woman fucks a man using a dildo attached to her pubis with a strap-on - a harness that surrounds the hips and thighs. There is a wide variety of harnesses and dildos, which can be bought in sex shops and on the internet. They are also used in lesbian sex.
In pegging, the pleasure of prostate stimulation is combined with the allure of reversing sexual roles - the woman penetrates and the man is penetrated. This can happen within a BDSM session where the man is submissive, but it doesn't necessarily have to be that way.
Pegging can be practiced in all the positions for fucking: missionary, doggy style, sideways, scissors, etc. Some produce more effective stimulation of the prostate, but it can also become too intense. They should be explored to find the most satisfactory.
A special form of prostate stimulation is called milking. It is usually practiced on submissive men. It consists of massaging the prostate continuously for a long period of time, from 20 to 45 minutes. The dominatrix does not allow ejaculation or a prostate orgasm to occur, but keeps the submissive in a continuous state of sexual arousal. The erection usually goes away after a few minutes. As it progresses, the penis begins to release semen in small amounts, continuously; hence the name.
The objective of milking is not to produce pleasure or an orgasm, although it can be quite a pleasant. On the contrary, the frustration of not being able to ejaculate, together with the humiliation of being penetrated and giving up control over one’s pleasure, leads to a deep state of submission. It’s mind-fucking, one of the most sophisticated techniques of domination-submission.
In 24/7 dominance-submission relationships, milking is often practiced together with chastity - depriving a man of ejaculating for long periods of time, sometimes using penis cages that prevent erections. This greatly increases the frustration, humiliation and submission produced by milking.
There are men who claim to have achieved very intense and prolonged orgasms just by stimulating the prostate. These orgasms feel very different from those obtained by stimulating the penis. This supports the idea that there are different clitoral and vaginal orgasms in women.
Prostatic orgasms are sometimes accompanied by ejaculation, but in others there is a very slow release of semen, like what happens with milking.
Achieving orgasm just by stimulating the prostate is difficult. Often, it is necessary to accompany the stimulation of the prostate with that of the penis. This joined stimulation produces orgasms more intense than usual.
There are always new things to explore in our sex lives. We need a spirit of adventure to break cultural barriers that have been imposed on us since our childhood. The prize is not only pleasure, but freeing ourselves from psychological barriers.