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Thinking that we deserve the best, and chasing happiness and virtue, feed the ego. What is the ego? The ego is not who you are. The ego is not your self. It is not ‘the thinker of thoughts’, that illusory being that we believe does things around inside our mind. Who we really are is the totality of your being, conscious and unconscious. The ego is not that, either. Of course, there are many opinions about what is the ego. Here I am going to explain what I think it is, which I found particularly useful to understand myself and to help me live a happier life. Please bear with me. You may find it useful, too. This conception of the ego is the one used in the Way of the Warrior, a philosophy of life that I have embraced lately. It is similar to the concept of the super-ego in psychoanalysis. Shame and pride are two powerful social emotions that direct human behavior. They seem to have evolved to facilitate cooperation and discourage cheating in the tribes in which we used to live during most of the history of our species. Since early in our childhood, they provide a latch to allow our parents and teachers to educate us. Pride rewards us when we are successful and shame punishes us when we fail or when we engage in antisocial behavior. These emotions likely interact with the dopamine neural pathway linking the ventral tegmental area (VTA) with the nucleus accumbens, an ancient system that motivates our behavior. We soon internalize the instructions of our parents and teachers, so that shame and pride are driven by an inner judge instead of them. That inner judge is the ego. Fear is another emotion that takes part in the building of the ego. When something threatens our physical or emotional integrity, the ego sounds an alarm. The ego is not bad. It is there to ensure that we are safe and that we play fair with others. It provides the motivation that drives us to succeed and to avoid failure. Self-driven people have strong egos. Even without external stimuli, they are able to gather a great amount of energy to keep going at work for long periods of time. It is difficult to have a good professional career without that an ego. However, we pay a price for it in unhappiness. When the ego takes over our lives, we forget how to be joyful and loving. We cannot make ourselves vulnerable because the ego doesn’t tolerate anything that threatens its self-image. We even start believing that we are our ego. Then, we perceive emotions that hurt the ego, like shame and guilt, as existential threats. We feel that, if the ego were to disappear, we would die. But this is not true because we are not our ego. We are the entirety of our mind. Is it possible to get rid of the ego? We do not want to get rid of our ego. It fulfills an important function. It keeps us safe, doing good deeds and avoiding bad behavior. It provides the energy to keep working hard in our careers. However, we need to put the ego in its place, so we don’t become its slaves. Inner freedom means to learn to control our ego, instead of it controlling us. There is also a way to act that is not based on the automatisms of the ego. This egoless action is what leads to the state of flow, in which we are creative without apparent effort. But the effortless of flow is an illusion because we need to do a lot of training before we can achieve it. The key is to realize that the ego is made of emotions: pride, shame, guilt and fear. We cannot control our emotions directly, because emotions direct the flow of our consciousness. But this happens in passive states of consciousness. There are active states of consciousness in which we direct and focus our attention, like we do during meditation, mindfulness, sports and creative work. This ability to direct our attention allows us to control our emotions indirectly: by selecting our ideas and mental images. For example, we can gradually turn off our anger by directing our attention away from the ideas and images that feed it. When we keep having the same emotion over and over again, it creates an emotional habit. It carves a groove that our mind tends to follow. Therefore, a spiritual practice consists of cultivating healthy emotional habits while gradually undoing the unhealthy ones. The ego can be conceived as a set of emotional habits based on pride, shame and fear. By practicing egoless actions, we can unlearn those emotional habits and built a healthier ego, one that does not control us. The traps of the ego The problem is that most of our present action is driven by the ego so, even when we decide to follow a spiritual practice, it is our ego directing us to do so. At every step, the ego would feed on what we are doing, interpreting it through its glasses of pride and shame. The ‘patting on the back’ that we give ourselves when we experience a good meditative state comes from that. It is pride. And that ‘patting on the back’ destroys the good meditative state by taking our focus away. And yet, we know that egoless states are possible. Flow is one of them. One possible path is to practice sports like rock climbing or martial arts that make easier to achieve flow, because the attention is directed to physical acts and, when we lose focus, we get immediate feedback. Another path is art or writing. Right now, as I type these words, I try to maintain a state of flow. I try to avoid the prideful ‘patting on the back’ that would take me back to my ego. Or the self-doubts that paralyze my writing. Today I want to write about the traps of the ego. These are beliefs inculcated in us by society that feed our bad emotional habits. By avoiding them, we can develop healthier and happier mental state. “You deserve the best” When I was a teenager, my family became wealthier. My father a university professor, was named president of the University of Santiago de Compostela. Then he was called by the government to be the founding president of a larger university. We moved to Madrid, and my father enrolled me and my brothers in a posh school for rich kids. Under their influence, we developed an attitude that we were special. We were smarter than anybody. Common rules did not apply to us. That was the privileged attitude of the upper class in the last years of the Franco dictatorship. Fortunately, I only spent one year in that private High School for wealthy kids. Then I went to college, read extensively, and became friends with people with progressive ideas. Still, that idea of being somebody special was implanted in me. I am not alone in feeling this way, I guess. Although, for some, it may be the opposite: they feel permanently undeserving. Either way, it’s all ego. The message that we deserve the best is constantly conveyed by our consumerist culture. That’s what advertisement is about, isn’t it? “Buy our product. It’s the best, and you deserve the best.” Do you see the ego in that message? Behind that feeling of being special, there is pride. We compare ourselves to others and decide that we are better than them. Therefore, we deserve the best. That’s the foundation of greed. My point is not that greed is unethical. Instead, look at what that greedy attitude does to your mind. It makes you constantly anxious to make sure you get the absolute best. Even in the simplest things: the best parking space, the best dish in the menu, the best vacation, the best job. This craving attitude can totally ruin your life. I’m not saying that you should not enjoy the good things in life. If you find a good parking spot, by all means, grab it. But you are not going to enjoy anything if you are focused on getting the next best thing. Perhaps a good practice would be giving up things on purpose. Let somebody take that good parking spot. And feel good about it. “You should be happy” Since antiquity, many sages have reflected on the paradox of happiness: the more you chase it, the less happy you are. The desire to be happy makes you unhappy. Their response has been to reject happiness altogether. Epicureans, Stoics, Buddhist, Christians and other philosophies and religions tell you that you should give up trying to be happy. You should strive to reach ataraxia, instead: a calm, peaceful state where there is no more striving. Or wait to be happy until you go to Heaven. Or until you achieve Nirvana. “The best that you can hope for is to avoid suffering,” say the Buddhists. “Not even,” say the Stoics. “Suffering is unavoidable. The best you can hope for is to deal with suffering gracefully.” I beg to disagree. I think it is possible to be happy. The problem is not with happiness, but with craving happiness. When happiness is a goal, instead of something that happens right now, it’s not happiness anymore. On the other hand, consumerist culture constantly sends us the message that we should be happy. We live in a wonderful civilization where all our basic needs are met. Where we can access wonderful pleasures: food, drinks, music, movies, books, travel… There are so many things to enjoy that what we lack is the time to sample them all. If we are not happy with all of that, surely something is wrong with us. We should see a therapist who will fix our unhappiness. Or take medication that will ‘restore the chemical imbalance in our brain’. The quest for happiness become a trap of the ego when happiness is seen as something that we can possess. The ego wants it because it can feel proud when it determines that we are happy. However, happiness is not something that you can possess. Happy is something that you are. Therefore, a quest to possess happiness makes you unhappy because, while you chase happiness, you are not happy. We also fall prey to confusing happiness with joy, love and other positive emotions. It is impossible to always feel joyful or loving, because living means feeling a bunch of different things. Emotions guide our thoughts, behavior and motivation. We need them all. We can be happy while feeling sad, angry, disgusted or scared. Negative emotions are okay, as long as they don’t become destructive. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t gently guide your emotions by cultivating healthy emotional habits. After all, freeing ourselves from our ego is just that: escaping from the stranglehold that pride and shame have on us. What this means is that being happy should not become another obligation. Letting go of the craving for happiness in order to be happy is paradoxical and hard to understand. “Be virtuous!” The same thing happens with the imperative to be good. It can be another trap of the ego. The Epicureans, the Stoics, and other Greco-Roman philosophers taught that the pursuit of virtue was the highest goal in life. Again, I beg to disagree. I think that virtue should be a means, but not a goal. A means to what? A means to live a meaningful life. Here is the problem. The ego is the program we carry inside since childhood that makes us feel proud of ourselves when we do something good, and ashamed of ourselves when we do something bad. When we pursue virtue, we are falling into the same game. The more virtuous we are, the more we inflate our ego. In our striving to be virtuous, our ego becomes the little dictator inside ready to sacrifice our needs in its endless race to feel pride. More so if we believe in a religion or a philosophy that tells us that happiness is something we shouldn’t have. That we will pay a price in suffering for every time we feel happy. That’s how asceticism is born. We are so good, so much better than anybody else, that we are willing to deprive ourselves of the pleasures of life in this blind pursuit of the invisible medals of virtue. Our ego constantly judges ourselves in the race for virtue, punishing us with shame when we fail to act up to par. Once the fall into the habit of judging, we extended it to others. They are certainly not measuring up to our standards. And this pleases our ego, because it means that we are better than them. And if we manage to get them to admit this, even better. We get full of pride about how good we are, and this feeds our ego, making it bigger, more powerful. And, therefore, more able to oppress us. That’s the process that creates gurus and cult leaders. People who are supposedly saints but, in fact, are just narcissists with hypertrophied egos. Beware of their false modesty! They know well how to hide behind fake humbleness so that their game is not exposed. So, what is the solution? Following the Way of Warrior is like walking a knife edge. The ego uses anything we do to feed itself. Every little victory can be tallied for his pride. Even calling ourselves a warrior is nothing more than ego-building. We need to start by accepting that this will happen. The ego will be there and will feed on our deeds. There will be pride when we succeed, and shame when we fail. We shouldn’t make much of that. Just follow our way, unperturbed. We should laugh at our ego. Humor deflates it, decreasing our self-importance. We should engage in activities that bring a state of flow, where we leave the ego aside by focusing completely on what we are doing. When we recognize the inner dialog of the ego, made of self-praise and self-doubt, we can label for what it really is: a distraction and an energy leak. Then we can gradually learn to replace it with an inner dialogue focused on acting with impeccability: performing at the top of our ability, focusing all our energy on doing and learning. Instead of chasing virtue, we should have a moral code consisting of not harming others, working for the common good, and following a path with a heart. Not harming should be based on compassion: an acute awareness of the ubiquitous presence of suffering and a commitment to decrease it however we can. We suffer, and therefore, we feel the suffering of others. Working for the common good should be based on our personal power. We generate so much energy that giving becomes natural, because we have energy to spare. We take pleasure in giving because we thrive on the happiness of others. Just like their suffering is our own suffering, their happiness is our own happiness. Following a path with a heart means finding meaning in life. Doing things that bring us joy, fulfillment and deep understanding. Creating art, science, knowledge, and social work. Mushotoku is a Zen word that means acting without attaching ourselves to the consequences of our actions. In the context of the ego, it means detaching ourselves from the pride and shame that may result from our action. There is a surprising shamelessness in true wise people that is different from the shamelessness of the sociopath. The wise is full of mirth and compassion, whereas the sociopath is creepy and selfish. When we follow a path with a heart, happiness just happens. No need to chase it. We may meet joy and sorrow, but they are still meaningful when there is a heart beneath them. It’s the deep happiness that comes from living a life full of meaning.

Writing as a path to improve the world and yourself Two books point to the Way of the Warrior I am finishing reading The Rock’s Warrior Way, by Arno Ilgner, a wonderful book recommended by my rock-climbing buddies. It teaches the right mental attitude for rock-climbing: a way to overcome fear, maximize performance and enjoy climbing. As I was reading it, I realized that it is about more than just rock-climbing. It teaches a better way to live. Arlo Ilgner says that he is inspired by Stoic philosophy and by the books of Carlos Castaneda. I devoured Castaneda’s books when I was in college and I still have them in my library. However, after my initial infatuation with them, I decided that he was making up all that stuff about the occult traditions of Mexican wizards. However, the passages in which he mentions the Way of the Warrior still resonate with me. Wanting to learn more about the Way of the Warrior, I went on an internet search. I found that the Way of the Warrior can mean a number of different things, most of which don’t appeal to me at all. Finally, I bought A Master’s Guide to The Way of the Warrior, by Stephan H. Verstappen. The author is a martial arts teacher who has explored the roots of the Way of the Warrior in Eastern traditions, particularly in Zen Buddhism and Taoism. Although I have never done martial arts, I practiced Zen for 10 years and have adopted its philosophy, so the book seems right for me. What is the Way of the Warrior? If you are a pacifist like me, you may be put off by the word warrior. According to Verstappen, a warrior is very different from a soldier. While a soldier is part of an army and follows orders without questioning, a warrior acts alone following his own moral code. Think medieval knights, the samurai of Japan, or the Jedi of Star Wars. The warrior is an archetype found in all cultures. It speaks to something ancestral inside all of us. A warrior realizes that there is a constant struggle between good and evil forces, and dedicates himself to fight for the good. But his quest is both external and internal. At the same time that he tries to chance the world, he struggles to improve himself, to become the best man that he can be. Or the best woman. Although the Warrior’s Way is full of masculine values, women can be warriors, too. In fact, contemporary movies are stock-full of women warriors, like Wonder Woman, Yu Shu Lien of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Princess Leia of Star Wars, or Ripley of the Alien movies. If Tao is the Way, then it flows by balancing the Yin and the Yang, the masculine and the feminine. “Literature, philosophy, poetry, and culture in general have a feminine side, and Budo, the military art, is masculine. There must be a harmony between the two.” Taisen Deshimaru in The Zen Way to Martial Arts. The word Way also has a profound meaning: is the Tao, the flowing energy that shapes the world. The Way has no destination, it exists on itself. From a personal point of view, the Way is the path of inner discovery and transformation followed by a warrior. A warrior’s quest is one of constant improving, learning and letting go of the Ego. The Way of the Warrior reaches its cusp when these two ways merge: the personal way of the warrior gets in harmony with the Way in which the world flows. Writing as a Warrior’s Way Reading Ilgner’s book, I realized that what he teaches could be applied to my writing. Climbing and writing I feel the same things. A similar anxiety before I start a route or an article. A similar state of flow when I am doing things right. A similar temptation to focus on finishing, instead of focusing on what I am doing at the moment. A similar Ego-driven judging and negative self-talk. Verstappen’s book confirmed my hunch. The warriors of old China and Japan did not just practice martial arts, but were versed in many creative skills. Primary amongst those was writing. Writing is one of the main endeavors of a warrior. “It is the warrior’s way to follow the paths of both the sword and the brush (pen).” Miyamoto Musashi, The Book of Five Rings. We have inherited a wonderful civilization created by the warriors of the past. Warrior scientists, warrior philosophers, warrior artists, warrior leaders of social movements. And, prominent among them, warrior writers. With their stories and essays, they changed the consciousness of the society around them. In his book The Better Angels of Our Nature, Steven Pinker remarks the importance of novels in making their readers empathize with people different from them, and how that led to the defeat of many kinds of bigotry. Now, we have the duty to continue improving the world to pass it to future generations. However, many people have only enough resources to take care of themselves and their loved ones. Others don’t feel the need to give back. Not everybody hears the call to be a warrior. I decided to become a Warrior Writer Since a young age, I felt the call to be a warrior. For me, it was wanting to be a scientist. To learn the amazing description of the world created by science and to make my own small contribution to it. It also took the form of a spiritual quest. Practicing yoga, meditation and other techniques, I strived to change myself, to overcome my limitations and gain wisdom. At the beginning of 2020, just as the Covid-19 pandemic was starting, I retired from my scientific work and closed my lab. I had been writing novels and articles as a hobby, and early retirement gave me an opportunity to dedicate myself fully to writing. My life experience has taught a lot of valuable things, and I want to give them back to the world. I hope that putting together my knowledge of science with my worldview I can contribute in some way to make the world a better place. I don’t need to write to make a living. I don’t think I will become famous by doing it, either. Writing is something I do because there are stories and ideas inside of me wanting to come out. These stories and ideas are things I want to give to the world in return for everything I have received. By writing them I also learn who I am, I clarify the meaning of the world and of my own life. “All true art is nothing but an attempt to transmit the sensation of ecstasy. And only the man who finds in it this state of ecstasy will understand and feel art.” P. D. Ouspensky, The Fourth Way. Reading the books by Ilgner and Verstappen made me realize that writing can be a spiritual path, something that needs to be done with the same detachment and intention for transformation as yoga or meditation. This requires cultivating a series of values as I write. I wrote a list of them below, to help me develop my path as a Writing Warrior. 1) Intellectual Honesty For me, this is the most important value of a Writing Warrior, so it belongs at the top of the list. “The term ‘warrior’ is often associated with images of power, confidence, accomplishment, chivalry, honor and integrity.” Stephan H. Verstappen in A Master’s Guide to The Way of the Warrior. Integrity is one of the virtues of a warrior. For the Warrior Writer, integrity means intellectual honesty. The climate crisis, the Trump presidency and the Covid-19 pandemic have made us acutely aware of how misinformation can cause many deaths and destroy our society. Hence, the primary mission of a Warrior Writer is to counter this epidemic of disinformation by writing about the truth. However, this requires a firm commitment to finding the truth in an unbiased way. This means that the warrior has to be a reader as much as a writer. His path should be, first and foremost, about learning. He should learn how to write better and also educate himself in the things he writes about. This doesn’t stop at reading, though. Every living experience should be a learning opportunity. The warrior must be comfortable living in a state of creative doubt. He must reject dogmas, no matter where they come from. He must hold no sacred cows, no matter how dear they are to him. His path entails honing his skills of critical thinking and having a good understanding of fallacies and faulty logic. He must have the habit to do the research to support what he writes. I explored the meaning of intellectual honesty is this other article: How to be intellectually honest. 2) Self-reliance Since the warrior is in a quest for truth, he must not accept any dogmas. He must question authority, both the authority of the experts and that of conventional beliefs. “A warrior’s primary resource is himself. Depending on others is always a risky gambit since most people don’t have the skills and wherewithal to fulfill their own promises and objectives.” Stephan H. Verstappen in A Master’s Guide to The Way of the Warrior. Here, like in other things, the warrior walks a knife edge. At the same time that he searches for the truth and uses his critical thinking, he must have the humility to respect the expertise of others. True wisdom is to recognize the enormous scope of all knowledge and the incapacity of a single human mind to absorb it. The only way we can understand the world is by sharing on the knowledge of others. Therefore, a warrior’s wisdom consists of distinguishing those he can trust from those he cannot believe. The corollary of this is that the Writing Warrior must make himself trustworthy. He must build his reputation by proving his intellectual honesty. He must accept being judged by his writing and have the humility to recognize and rectify his mistakes. A warrior knows that he is not the only warrior in a quest for truth. He must respect the quest of the others and join forces with them if he can. In ancient traditions, warriors are not self-made but are trained by a master. Just like Master Yoda trains Luke Skywalker in Star Wars. However, finding a worthy master is difficult. Sometimes the best thing to do is to learn from different masters, each of which will teach you a different skill. I had good teachers in both science and Zen. They taught me a lot, but in the end they were all fallible human beings, with their virtues and their vices. The main thing I learned was to reject the Myth of the Guru. 3) Humbleness — letting go of the Ego “You can feel pretty worthless at times because reward and punishment have molded you. When you did something that was considered good by your caregivers, you were rewarded, and when you did something that was considered bad, you were punished. Your caregivers associated your worth with your performance — your behavior. Then, as you grew older, your caregivers’ expectations became embodied in the Ego, which took over the job of rewarding and punishing. Your caregivers’ expectations were supplemented or replaced by the expectations of a peer group, or the expectations established by a set of beliefs you adopted with little critical thought. Regardless of the source of the Ego’s expectations, they result is the same: we are slaves to externally driven influences, rather than being the masters of our internal, mental environment.” Arno Ilgner in The Rock Warrior’s Way. Pride and shame are two powerful emotions that evolved to enable social control and to motivate cooperation. As Ilgner explains, their joined effect during childhood creates the Ego. When our actions are driven by the Ego, they become just blind pursuits for validation. We try to earn praise and to avoid shame — carrots and sticks. That makes us dependent of external influences and vulnerable to societal pressure. Obviously, this less than ideal for a truth-seeker and a challenger of conventional beliefs. When we write, the Ego drives that inner critic that continuously judge what we say, sapping our creativity. Ultimately, this can lead to total paralysis, creating the infamous writer’s block. The fear that what we write is not be good stops the flow of thoughts from our mind to the page. Letting go of the Ego, instead, establishes a playful, carefree state of mind of intellectual flexibility, which leads to flow. This is also promoted when we forget about the destination: the reward we expect to get in the form of praise and money. We need to focus on the process, on the task of writing and how we love putting words of the page. According to Ilgner, a warrior lets go of the Ego and nurtures his Higher Self instead: “The Higher Self isn’t competitive, defensive, or conniving, as the Ego. It sees through such petty ploys. The Higher Self derives self-worth not from comparison with others, but from an internal focus that is based on valuing growth and learning.” Arno Ilgner in The Rock Warrior’s Way. Therefore, the humbleness of the warrior does not consist of dwelling on his weaknesses or cultivating false modesty, but of a constant struggle to let go of the Ego and cultivate a Higher Self based on inner motivation and personal power. “The humbleness of a warrior is not the humbleness of the beggar. The warrior lowers his head to no one, but at the same time, he doesn’t permit anyone to lower his head to him. The beggar, on the other hand, falls to his knees at the drop of a hat and scrapes the floor to anyone he deems to be higher; but at the same time, he demands that someone lower than him scrape the floor for him.” Carlos Castaneda 4) Personal power Personal power is a concept found in the books of Carlos Castaneda. It can be easily misunderstood. Power is a word with negative connotations because we normally associate it with wealth, political influence or dominion over others. So making power personal sounds like selfishness. However, for Arlo Ilgner and Carlos Castaneda, personal power means self-knowledge, self-control and the ability to generate sustained attention and effort. “Becoming Conscious is a process that improves awareness, develops an empowering self-image, increases self-confidence, and builds personal power. You accomplish this not by striving directly for an empowering self-image or self-confidence, as goals, but simply by shifting attention inward. Your goal is to gain awareness — to learn — and thus to gain access to deeper and more powerful sources of motivation.” Arno Ilgner in The Rock Warrior’s Way. We need to write from a center of gravity inside ourselves created from our unbendable intention to seek the truth and speak the truth. A Warrior Writer must be no slouch. He must work hard, putting forth long hours of focused, productive writing. This requires enormous amounts of energy. This energy cannot be simply willed into existence. Raw willpower without strong psychological roots will eventually lead to burnout. Procrastination and writer’s block loom threatening in the horizon. The key to a sustained effort that doesn’t end up in burnout is a solid motivation. We need to develop a writing practice that increases motivation instead of eroding it. Several things can help: letting go of the Ego, focusing on the process and not the destination, cultivating our love for writing, encouraging our curiosity, plugging power drains, not wasting energy in unimportant things, training our attention, and keeping our body healthy. All this is what the expression gathering personal power means. Personal power consist of a mixture of emotional strength, stoicism, resilience, wisdom, good habits, and learned knowledge. 5) Courage It is a given that a warrior must be brave. When a Writing Warrior sets up to heal the world and to improve himself, he knows that he will face opposition. The world is not a friendly place, but a jungle full of dangers and enemies. People will attack you on the web. Corporations and the state will censor what you write. Changing the world by seeking the truth and speaking the truth will get you enemies from all parts of the political spectrum. Difficult issues must be addressed to bring about significant change. You will be confronting political correctness, traditional values and conventional beliefs. You can mitigate the blowback by writing with gentleness, fairness and honesty. But when you challenge somebody’s core beliefs, they will respond with ferocity. Having courage means knowing that you will be attacked and not letting that dissuade you from speaking out. “The courage a warrior must cultivate is not just for overcoming personal fears, but the courage to live life at its fullest, which entails taking chances. Following the path of the warrior is the most difficult of the spiritual ways and requires courage to practice since you must also live life in your own terms. This means one must fight through the everyday worry, fear, sadness, anxiety, and depression to live with vitality and vigor.” Stephan H. Verstappen in A Master’s Guide to The Way of the Warrior 6) Self-restraint Being brave is not the same as being foolish. A rock-climber carefully chooses the route he is going to climb, being fully aware of the risks and whether he can match them with his abilities. Likewise, a writer picks his battles. He minimizes the risks and evaluates what is to be gained by writing something, not for himself, but for his cause. He engages the risk being fully conscious of his personal power and resilience. Another component of self-restraint is an awareness of our capacity to hurt others. If it is true that the pen is as powerful as the sword, then we must wield it with care. The stronger we are, the more we learn, the more personal power we gather — the more we become able to hurt with our words. People like to gather behind individuals who they perceive as strong, so when we attack somebody we may cause a dogpile on that person. A warrior takes no allies who are unworthy, and therefore he calls off bad behavior even from those who side with him. We must be aware of the person behind the opinion. We must recognize the things on which we agree, praise his insights, and leave an escape route for him to retreat with dignity. 7) Stoicism Stoicism means being impervious to pain. Some people actually feels less pain because they have high pain thresholds, either naturally or by training. Other people feel the pain but are able to carry on despite of it. Stoicism has been given a bad reputation by our current culture of victimism that sees weakness and vulnerability as virtues. This feeds on the tendency of modern culture of seeing pain as something that must always be avoided. However, pain is an inevitable part of life and most human activities. Warrior cultures taught that pain must be understood and endured. “Suffering builds character and impels you to penetrate life’s secrets. It is the path of great artists, great religious leaders, and great social reformers.” Shunryu Suzuki in Zen Mind, Beginners Mind. Everyone who practices sports knows that pain and hardship are part of them, and learn to welcome them. A certain amount of stoicism is part of your personal power. The kind of emotional stoicism that a Warrior Writer needs is grounded in understanding and managing his emotions. This creates a strong center of gravity, meaning that his emotions are not easily changed by external influences. He does not take on the anger, fear, guilt or shame that others throw at him. Letting go of the Ego helps him avoid emotional fragility. Since he is not invested in external praise, he has the freedom to be the arbiter of his actions. That doesn’t mean that he does not listen, but he does it on his own terms, with detachment and rationality. 8) Resilience Resilience is the ability to recover after an injury or a setback. It is different from stoicism because it is not to endure pain, but the ability to go back to our normal state and to resume our effort. For a Writing Warrior, stoicism and resilience mean having the emotional stability to withstand criticism and to recover from the damage that people who disagree with us try to inflict on us. A warrior accepts that arguments and disagreement are an essential part of intellectual discourse. Just like a good chess player is able to fight his opponent without taking it personally, a warrior sees intellectual confrontation a an opportunity to hone his skills and gather personal power. He enjoins intellectual battle with the same detachment as a samurai, brandishing the pen instead of a sword. 9) Compassion Compassion means feeling the suffering of others and fighting to end it. Compassion is different from empathy, which is automatically absorbing the emotions of those around you. Instead, compassion is a deliberate intention to feel the suffering of others and to work to end it. A warrior does not seek war but peace. He fights evil because evil is what causes suffering. The monks of the Shaolin Monastery that invented martial arts and perfected the Eastern Way of Warrior were Buddhists. They developed martial arts to defend themselves from marauders who tried to rob them, and from tyrannical rulers. However, their true mission as Buddhists was to end suffering. Their core practice was enlightenment and compassion. Compassion should be the goal of a warrior, but it should also be present in his means. It should imbue whatever he does. A Warrior Writer who studies diligently, hones his writing skills, and gathers personal power runs the risk of becoming an intellectual bully. Just like a samurai and a Kung-Fu warrior use their skills with extreme restrain and try not inflict unnecessary harm, a Writing Warrior treats others with respect and compassion. He argues against an idea without attacking the person who defends it. He takes the most charitable interpretation of the arguments of his opponent. He thanks an opponent that concedes a point, and does not gloat. The true enemy of a Writing Warrior is not the people who disagree with him, but his own Ego. He never loses sight of that. 10) Following a path with a heart Stoicism and resilience must be balanced with self-compassion. A warrior loves himself and loves live. He is never self-destructive. He is keenly aware of the difference between pain and suffering — enduring the first does not mean subjecting yourself to the latter. The Way of the Warrior is a happy way, a path with a heart. “This question is one that only a very old man asks. Does this path have a heart? All paths are the same: they lead nowhere. They are paths going through the bush, or into the bush. In my own life I could say I have traversed long, long paths, but I am not anywhere. Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn’t, it is of no use. Both paths lead nowhere; but one has a heart, the other doesn’t. One makes for a joyful journey; as long as you follow it, you are one with it. The other will make you curse your life. One makes you strong; the other weakens you.” Carlos Castaneda, The Teachings of Don Juan I write because I love writing. Writing is the way I express the fact that I am alive. Writing is my path with a heart. Disclaimer: Links in this article are not affiliated links. I get no commission from the books cited.

Find out what are dendrites, axons, ion channels and action potentials. Neurons Every tissue of the body is formed by specialized cells. For example, muscles are formed by muscle fibers or myocytes, which are able to contract, generating force and movement. The liver has hepatocytes, cells specialized in processing and storing food. The kidney has brush border cells and other types of cells. And so forth. The nervous system has two main types of specialized cells: neurons and glia. Neurons are the most specialized cells in the body. Their main property is their ability to transmit signals as electrical waves in their membranes. The only other cells able to do this are the myocytes of the muscles. Neurons make contact with other neurons called synapses, where the information carried by the electrical waves is conveyed by special substances: the neurotransmitters. Neurons have a distinct shape that looks like a tree. The branches of the tree are called dendrites (which, indeed, comes from the Greek word for branch). The dendrites converge in the body of the neurons, or soma. From it emerges the trunk of the tree called the axon. Typically, neurons have only one axon, but it may divide into several down the way. Most axons are enveloped by thick layers of a fatty substance called myelin, in short stretches that leave small spaces between them, the nodes of Ranvier. Axons ends in synapses that connect the neuron with the dendrites of other neurons. Information flows in a neuron from the synapses to the dendrites, converging in the body and then flowing out to the axon. In some cases, the information travels backwards: from the axon to the body or from the body to the dendrites and the synapses. However, this is just to aid the normal flow of information. In the axon, information travels in the form of electrical waves called action potentials. You may think that electricity flows along the axon like it does on an electric cable: back and forth. Or that it forms electric pulses, like information is sent in the cable of your speakers or headphones. However, what happens is quite different: the electric current flows perpendicularly to the axon, and not along it, forming an electric wave, the action potential. It is that wave what moves down the axon. But to explain the action potential, I first need to explain what are ion channels. Ion channels Ion channels are pretty much what this name indicates: proteins that sit across the cell membrane with a tiny tube in their core. That tube opens sometimes, lettings some particular ions flow across the membrane, either from the outside to the inside of the cell, or the other way around. But what are ions? Table salt is sodium chloride, a molecule formed by positively charged sodium ions, Na+, and negatively charged chloride ions, Cl-. Positively charged ions are called cations, and negatively charged ions are called anions. Negative charges and positive charges attract each other so, in a salt crystal, the sodium and chloride ions sit next to each other forming a network. However, when you dissolve salt in water, the sodium and chloride ions get separated and enveloped by molecules of water. Just like in sea water, there is a lot of sodium chloride in our blood and in the cerebrospinal fluid that bathes nerve tissue. There is also a smaller amount of calcium chloride. Whereas sodium, Na+, has only one positive charge, calcium , Ca2+, has two positive charges. This is very important for cells, which use calcium to carry signals in their interior. The other important ion for cell function is potassium, K+. Like sodium, potassium only has one positive charge, but it is larger in size. This difference in size between sodium and potassium allows ion channels to differentiate between these cations. Therefore, there are sodium channels and potassium channels. There are also calcium channels, which use the two charges of Ca2+ to distinguish them from the other cations. Ion channels are normally closed. They open for very short times, measured in milliseconds (a thousandth of a second). There is an arm of the protein that swivels into the channel, stopping the flow of ions and out of the way when the channel open. Since ion channels are molecules, their opening and closing are quantum events that follow the probabilistic laws of quantum mechanics. Ions channels are classified according to what opens them: Ligand-gated ion channels open when a neurotransmitter binds to them, acting like a key that opens the door of the channel. Voltage-gated ion channels open when there is a change in the membrane potential. A part of the protein that forms the channel acts as a sensor that moves when there is a change in the voltage, opening the channel. There are ten voltage-dependent sodium channels, termed Nav1.1 through Nav1.10. Nav1.7 channels are important for pain; people born without them do not experience pain. Voltage-gated calcium channels were initially classified as L, N, P/Q, R and T, but now they have been renamed Cav1.1 - Cav1.4 (L), Cav2.2 (N), Cav 2.1 (P/Q), Cav2.3 (R) and Cav3.1 - Cav3.3 (T). L-Type calcium channels are important in muscles and the heart. N-Type calcium channels are important for neurotransmitter release in synapses. Ion channels gated by sensory signals, like temperature or pressure, include proteins like the capsaicin receptor (TRPV1), the menthol receptor (TRPM8), and TRPA1, the receptor responsible for the spiciness of horseradish and wasabi. They are all channels permeable to Na+ and Ca2+. TRP channels are present in nerve terminals in our skin, where they act as temperature sensors. Other ion channels are sensitive to pressure. They that are responsible for initiating sensations of pain, itch and tact. Some venoms and drugs produce their effects by binding inside ions channels, plugging them. They are called channel blockers. For example, tetrodotoxin (TTX) is one of the most potent known venoms, responsible for the deadly bite the blue-ringed octopus and the toxicity of puffer fish (fugu). It is a blocker of voltage-dependent sodium channels. So is saxitoxin, produced by dinoflagellates, a type of plankton that is responsible for seafood poisoning. Local anesthetics, like the lidocaine and bupivacaine used by your dentist to block sensation in your mouth, are also blockers of voltage-dependent sodium channels. They are not poisonous as tetrodotoxin and saxitoxin because they are much less potent. Conotoxins are a variety of neurotoxins used by marine snails of the genus Conus to kill fish with their harpoons. Omega (ω) conotoxins are blockers of voltage-dependent calcium channels. One of them, ω-conotoxin MVIIA, has been developed as a potent pain inhibitor: zinocotide. There are many blockers of potassium channels, including the scorpion toxins iberiotoxin and charybdotoxin, some conotoxins, and many medications. The membrane potential All cells in the body have an asymmetrical distribution of ions across their membrane. There is about 50 times more sodium on the outside, and 50 times more potassium on the inside. There is also more chloride on the outside, although this chloride gradient is reversed in some anomalous conditions. The gradient of calcium is much more dramatic: there is 10,000 times more calcium on the outside than in the inside of the cell. This asymmetrical distribution of ions across the cell membrane creates an electrical voltage across it, called the membrane potential. You may think of the cell membrane as a battery with poles on the outside and the inside of the cell. The positive pole is outside the cell and the negative pole inside. The value of the membrane potential in neurons is around -70 millivolts (mV). This is not much, considering that the electrical outlets in your house have an electrical potential of 110 volts (1,500 times higher). However, this is a lot of energy for the tiny axons, which are just 0.1 to 10 micrometers thick (a micrometer is a millionth of a meter). Just like a battery, the membrane potential is used to store energy by all cells. However, neurons also use it to send signals and process information. When a cell dies, its membrane potential goes down to zero. Conversely, a collapse of the membrane potential causes the cell to die. We can know if a cell is dead or alive by measuring its membrane potential. This is done using a technique called patch-clamp electrophysiology, in which tiny glass pipettes containing electrodes are attached tightly to the membrane using suction. The same technique is used to measure the opening and closing of single ion channels. Ion pumps If the membrane potential stores energy, that energy has to be put there somehow. This is done by proteins called ion pumps. They use metabolic energy in the form of ATP molecules to move ions from one side to the other of the membrane. The most important ion pump is the sodium/potassium pump (Na+/K+-ATPase), which moves 3 Na+ ions out and 2 K+ ions in across the membrane. In the process, it spends (cleaves into ADP and phosphate) one molecule of ATP. This keeps sodium ions out of the cell and potassium ions inside. It also results in the net movement of one positive charge to the outside of the cell, building up the membrane potential. There are also calcium pumps that keep the calcium gradient. Action potentials Action potentials are waves of electrical current caused by the opening of ion channels. The electrical current is across the membrane, and can also be understood as a change in the membrane potential. A depolarization is a decrease in the membrane potential. Voltage-gated sodium channels in the axon open when they sense a depolarization, letting sodium ions, Na+, into the axon. Since they have a positive charge, when Na+ ions travel to the inside of the axon they change the membrane potential from negative inside to positive inside. The battery at the membrane actually changes polarity, going from -70 mV to +40 mV. There are also voltage-gated potassium channels in the axon that open when they sense this strong depolarization. Since there are more potassium ions, K+, inside the axon, they flow to the outside of the axon. This creates a current opposite to that of the sodium ions, which restores the membrane potential, even with a slight overshoot (hyperpolarization). At the same time, the voltage-gated sodium channels become desensitized and they close. The voltage-gated sodium channels in the nearby part of the axon sense the strong depolarization of the action potential and they open, so the whole process repeats itself down the axon. The result is a wave of reversal of the membrane potential moving down the axon, which is the axon potential. Since the segment of the axon where an action potential has just occurred is hyperpolarized (more negative than -70 mV) by the opening of potassium channels, sodium channels cannot open there. This has two consequences: It forces the action potential to move in one direction, instead of traveling both ways in the axon. It creates an interval of time when an action potential cannot occur in that segment of the axon, putting a limit to how close together two action potentials can be. In other words, there is a limit in the frequency of action potentials, which is different for different types of axons. Saltatory conduction: the amazing jumping action potentials Most axons are covered by coats of myelin, fatty envelops that leave between them gaps called nodes of Ranvier. A membrane depolarization in one node of Ranvier is strong enough to trigger the opening of voltage-gated sodium channels in the next node of Ranvier. Hence, an action potential in a node of Ranvier triggers an action potential in the next node, causing action potentials to jump from one node of Ranvier to the next. This is called saltatory conduction. Saltatory conduction has two advantages: It reduces the amount of energy spent to send an action potential. Sodium ions that come into the axon with each action potential have to be moved back out by ion pumps, at the expense of metabolic energy. Without saltatory conduction, our nervous system would expend so much energy that we would not be able to afford our large brains. Saltatory conduction increases the speed at which action potentials move down the axon, from about 1 meter per second (m/s) to up to 100 m/s. Without this speed, human brains would not be able to function. Not all neurons have axons covered by myelin. C-fibers, which are the axons of many of the neurons that transmit pain, are unmyelinated. Since they cannot use saltatory conduction, they have slow conduction speeds, about 1 m/s. That means that the pain elicited at a distant area of your skin takes a good fraction of a second to get to your brain. Enough time that you can tell the difference between the moment that you feel the impact - a tactile sensation carried by myelinated A fibers - and the pain of the impact, carried by the C fibers. Frequency and firing patterns of action potentials A neuron doesn’t fire just one action potential, but many action potentials in rapid succession. The frequency and the pattern of this firing of actions potentials encodes the information that the neuron is sending to other neurons. Frequency means that a neuron may fire from one action potential per second - 1 hertz (1 Hz) frequency - to 100 action potentials per second (100 Hz), or even more. Pattern means that action potentials may be evenly spaced at a fixed frequency, or grouped in bursts of several action potentials at high frequency separated by intervals without action potentials. One pattern of action potential important in the brain is the theta burst: a few action potentials at 100 Hz forming bursts separated by 0.2 seconds. This firing pattern stores memory in synapses in the form of synaptic plasticity. It also triggers the release of special neuropeptides like brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF). Dendrites Dendrites are the many branches that converge into the cell body (soma) of the neuron. They are shorter and thicker that the axons. While axons have a uniform thickness, dendrites get wider as they approach the soma. For a long time, it was believed that dendrites do not have action potentials. Later, scientists found that they do have them, although they are different from the action potentials of the axons: they are mediated by calcium ions and not just by sodium ions. Still, the main means by which dendrites transmit information is through waves of depolarization in their membrane that are longer and less intense than the action potential. These depolarization waves start at the synapses as excitatory postsynaptic potentials (EPSPs). While action potentials are so strong that they reverse the membrane potential, EPSPs are merely decreases in the membrane potential, or waves of depolarization. And while action potentials have the same amplitude, EPSPs can be of different intensities. As they move down the dendrites, the EPSPs of different synapses add to each other, increasing in amplitude. Some synapses are inhibitory, meaning that they generate inhibitory postsynaptic potentials (IPSPs) instead of EPSPs. IPSPs are waves of hyperpolarization, or increases in the membrane potential. When an EPSPs encounters an IPSPs in the dendrite, the IPSPs decrease the size of the EPSP, sometimes canceling it altogether. This interplay between EPSPs and IPSPs in the dendrites and the body of the neurons is how the neuron processes information. All these waves of membrane potential finally converge at the place where the axon begins (the axon hillock). If the depolarization is enough to open the voltage-dependent sodium channels there, then an action potential is fired. If it falls below this threshold, then nothing happens. In reality, what happens is that large depolarizations at the axon hillock trigger multiple action potentials, whose frequency is proportional to the size of the depolarization. Smaller depolarizations trigger action potential firing at lower frequency. This way, information in the dendrites is encoded into the frequency of the action potentials. The neuronal soma The soma or body of the neuron contains the nucleus, the part of the cell where genetic information is stored in the DNA. A neuron, just like any other cell, synthesizes its proteins by transcribing the genes in the DNA into messenger RNA (mRNA), which is then translated into proteins in the ribosomes. These are veritable nanomachines that read the genetic code in the mRNA and assemble amino acids, one by one, following a specific sequence to make a protein. All the proteins that I mentioned before - ion channels, ion pumps, neurotransmitter receptors - plus all the enzymes and structural proteins of the neurons, are made this way. An interesting problem is that each synapse builds its own proteins according to action potentials it receives from other neurons, independently of what is happening in the other dendrites and synapses of the same neuron. Then, how does the nucleus know what proteins it needs to make and where to send them? As it turns out, many proteins are made at ribosomes placed next to each synapse, that capture mRNAs coming down the dendrite from the nucleus according to the signals received by that particular synapse. This makes possible for synapses to grow or shrink, a phenomenon called synaptic plasticity. Synapses and synaptic plasticity deserve their own explanation. I will devote another article to that.

Properly cited scientific papers increase your credibility and provide evidence for your arguments. Poor sources of evidence Many writers use as evidence links to sites that have poor credibility. These include: Websites with an ideological bend. These have the worse credibility of all because they are obviously pandering a set of beliefs. If you link to them, you identify yourself as a member of that ideological bubble. For readers who accept those beliefs, your article would be preaching to the choir. For the rest, it would generate distrust. Blogs. You would be basing your argument on somebody who has just another opinion, and maybe even less credibility than you have. Magazines and newspapers. These have various levels of credibility depending on their reputation. However, almost all of them can be placed somewhere in the ideological spectrum, which means that they are biased. Even if the writer makes an effort to be intellectually honest, they still will be filtering information according to their level of education and the amount of research that they did. Unfortunately, most journalists have a poor understanding of science. Of course, if you want to document an event that happened in the past, you should cite newspapers reporting it. Science news and university press releases. These should be avoided like the plague because they have become a major corrupting influence in scientific culture. Major universities have created their own propaganda machines to tout the achievements of their professors in news releases, sometimes to position them ahead in battles for patents and awards. Needless to say, this is not conductive to honest reporting and balanced scientific discussions. It is also promoting a culture in which scientists become just another type of celebrities, like the sport stars that have long been used to prop up the prestige of universities. I love Wikipedia and I often use hyperlinks to its pages. I do that here. However, I will discuss its use in another article. What you should do is to go directly to the source of scientific knowledge: the scientific papers. You should do so in a careful and balanced way. However, this is hard to do for non-scientist. In this article, I will explain a few basic things about scientific papers that you need to know to cite them properly. I will also tell you how to use PubMed to find the best papers for your writing. The different sciences There are many scientific disciplines: physics, astronomy, geology, biology, biochemistry, medicine, pharmacology, neuroscience, etc. To cite a paper in one science to support claims in another science would be a major blunder. The humanities - philosophy, history, economy, literature, law, art, race studies, feminist studies, etc. - are considered different from science. Some of them, like history, are based on facts. Others, like philosophy, are based on reason and speculation. It has been argued that science and humanities belong to two cultures, often at odd with each other. In any case, you should not cite a paper in the humanities as scientific evidence. In this article, I explain how to find papers in the general area of biomedicine, which covers chemistry, pharmacology, biology, molecular biology, medicine, neuroscience and psychology. Papers about physics, geology and other sciences are not listed in PubMed and have to be searched in other repositories. Types of scientific papers There are many types of scientific papers, that are used for different purposes. You need to be aware of this when you cite them and discuss them. Here are the main types of scientific papers: Basic research is done using instruments to examine the properties of matter and living tissue. They range from the telescopes that study the immensely big to the electron microscopes that examine the immensely small. But they also include many other techniques: mass spectroscopy, DNA sequencing, gene modification, cell cultures, electrophysiology, etc. In physiology, neuroscience, cellular biology and molecular biology, these type of experiments are called in vitro, which means in the glass - the glass of test tubes and Petri dishes. Animal research is done in live animals (in vivo) or in tissue extracted from animals and kept alive (ex vivo). Examples of the latter are primary cell cultures and tissue slices. Most biomedical, pharmacology and neuroscience research is done on animals - mostly mice and rats, but some essential research needs to be done on monkeys. However, animal rights activists have spread the lie that animals are not necessary for scientific research. Because the same activists stalk and terrorize scientists and their families, universities and other research institutions hide the fact that they use animals, which has the unwanted consequence of giving the impression that most research is not done in animals. In fact, in the last decades, genetic modification of animals has blurred the line between basic and animal research. Clinical research is done in humans, often to test new medication, devices and medical procedures. Most commonly, it consist on giving sick people and healthy controls a drug or a placebo. Other times, experiments are done in people. For example, using electrophysiology, positron emission tomography (PET), functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) or trasncranial magnetic stimulation (TMS). Clinical research also includes epidemiology: the science that studies the spread and causes of diseases. Surveys consist of asking people a bunch of questions and analyzing their answers using statistics. They are used in psychology, diet research and sex research. Reviews are papers that collect, examine and discuss the papers on a particular topic. Although they are not original research, they play a fundamental role in summarizing the state of the research on that topic and in building scientific consensus. Citing reviews is your best bet when you want to prove that there is a growing scientific consensus on a topic, or when you want to cite a bunch of research at the same time. However, you should also be aware that some reviews can be biased to promote a certain scientific view and to ignore another. A lot of scientists that write reviews include a lot of their own papers in them (self-citation). This is not improper per se - scientists usually write reviews about something that they know well precisely because they have been working on it - but it can be abused. Meta-analyses also summarize a lot of previous work, usually on clinical research. However, unlike reviews, they do so in a systematic way by pulling the data from previous studies and doing a statistical analysis of all those data together. This lead to strong conclusions. When you cite a paper, it is a good idea to mention what type of paper it is. What is peer-review? You may have heard that, for evidence to be reliable, it had to be published in peer-reviewed papers. But, what is peer-review? How do you know that a paper has been peer-reviewed? When modern science was being created in the 19th century, a tradition was established that scientific papers should be evaluated by other scientists before being published. These scientists are called reviewers and should be anonymous and unbiased either in favor or against the authors of the paper. These days, when a paper is submitted to a journal, an editor assigns it to three reviewers, who remain anonymous and do not know who the two other reviewers are. They decide whether to accept the paper, require modifications, or reject it. The second and third options are the most likely outcomes. The editor then makes a final decision by balancing the opinions of the reviewers. Sometimes, a paper goes to several review cycles before being accepted. Almost all papers deposited in PubMed are peer-reviewed, except letters to the editor. If a paper was published in a reputable scientific journal, it is safe to assume that it was peer-reviewed. Peer-review is also used to score grant proposals to obtain the government grants that fund most of the research done these days. In the USA, these grant are administered by the National Institutes of Health (NIH), the Department of Veteran Affairs (VA), the Department of Defense and the National Science Foundation. In my scientific career, I published 65 peer-reviewed papers and obtained half a dozen grants from the NIH and the VA. On the other side of the equation, I reviewed many papers and grants proposals to the NIH and the VA. Although peer-review has been criticized, it is by far the best way for gate-keeping and quality control for science to remain in the hands of scientists, instead of being handed over to corporations and politicians who would quickly corrupt science. What parts of a paper should you read? Most writers don’t read the papers that they cite. This can backfire when a clever reader uses the paper that you cite to counter your own argument, which is embarrassing and undermines your credibility. However, reading a scientific paper is very hard and requires a specialized education in the scientific field of the paper. Unless you have a Ph.D. or similar degree in that subject, you should approach the paper knowing that you are in way over your head. Even if you are a scientist, reading a paper can take you two or three hours. So, what do you do? You should read the abstract, which is short summary of the paper. You should also skim the paper looking for the information that relates to your writing. Yes, I know… The full text of many papers is behind a paywall. I will address how to deal with that in another article. There are parts of the paper that are written in less specialized language accessible to most people. These are: The abstract. This is a summary of the paper in 250 words or less - a limit imposed by most journals. Even if the paper is behind a paywall, its abstract should be accessible in PubMed and other repositories. Most scientists only read the abstract of a paper, unless they are looking for detailed information. The problem is that abstracts condense a lot of information to get under the 250 word limit, so they are hard to read. They also use specialized language because that’s the only way to condense information. Therefore, an abstract is hard to read for non-specialists. The introduction is the text following the Abstract, without a heading. It presents the state of the research on this topic and the goals of the paper. Because it uses less specialized language, it tends to be easier to understand. It tells you what the paper is about and what is the previous knowledge on its subject. The figures are often hard to understand, but sometimes they are the best way to appreciate the results and how solid they are. Some figures are beautiful, veritable works of art. But don’t grab figures and put them in your article. You need to request permission to do that, not from the authors but from the journal, which usually owns the copyright. The discussion is the last part of the paper, after the results and before the list of references. Here, the authors go to town explaining what they found and why it is important. Like the introduction, it tends to be in a more colloquial language. The reference list can be used to find other papers on the same topic. However, you would be moving backwards in time when you do that, so you will miss the most recent research. How to judge the quality of a scientific paper Every scientist knows that there is a world of a difference in the quality of papers. Publishing in journals like Nature, Science, Cell or PNAS is a lifetime achievement. On the other end of the spectrum, there are a bunch of new journals that will beg you to publish in them (I get half a dozen emails every day) - if you pay their publication fees, of course! They are just a way to get your research money. Therefore, to cite papers, you need to be aware of the hierarchy of journals. It’s not the same to cite a journal in Nature as a paper in the Journal of Irreproducible Results - which actually exists!. However, there is a way to quality of a journal: look at its impact factor. This is a metric that was created in the 60s and 70s by the Institute for Scientific Information (ISI) based on how often papers in that journal are cited. Journals with impact factors higher than 5 are exceptionally good. Run-of-the mill journals have impact factors between 3 and 5. Some good journals that publish a lot of papers can have impact factors below 3, but below an impact factor of 1 we are definitely in low-quality territory. Using the impact factor to determine the quality of journals and papers has many problems. Nevertheless, it is useful for those unfamiliar with science. How to use PubMed to search for papers PubMed is a free, searchable repository of all reputable scientific papers on areas of biomedicine published in the entire world. It is run by the National Library of Medicine, which is part of the NIH and funded by the USA government. Since a lot of biomedical research done in the United States, and even abroad, is funded by the USA government, it is now mandatory that scientists deposit papers created with that funding in PubMed. Therefore, you can find the full text of many papers in PubMed. If the full version is not accessible there, at least you can find the citation and the abstract. Here is a simple way to do a PubMed search to find papers on a given topic: Follow this link to PubMed https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/. You will see a big white rectangle with Search to the right of it. However, I do not recommend that you do your search here, because this will give you an imprecise search with too many results. For example, searching the word choking gave me 43,679 papers. Way too many to even scan their titles. Instead, click on Advanced under the search bar. This takes you to a more complex search page, which is actually better for our purposes. In the box All Fields, scroll down to Title or Title/Abstract. This will restrict your search to paper containing your keywords in the title, or in the title or the abstract, respectively. Enter your keyword in the bar to the right and press ADD, then Search. For choking, I found 509 references with Title and 2,434 references with Title/Abstract. These are still too many, so you need to narrow down your search. For example, if you are interested in the practice of choking during sex, you can use the AND function to restrict your search to papers that have the keywords choking and sex. The search (choking[Title/Abstract]) AND (sex[Title/Abstract]) gave me only 106 results. You can now scroll through the titles and check those that may be interesting in the big square boxes next to the title. At the top left of the list of results, you will find options to save your checked references in a file, have them emailed to you, or send them to the Clipboard, My Bibliography, Collections or a citation manager. I normally send them to the clipboard, where I can delete those that I don’t want and add more citations from new searches. When I am done, I send the citations to my citation manager. I will address the use of a citation manager in another article. Intellectual honesty and credibility Now, it is up to you to use this information. Anybody who loves and respects science should have intellectual honesty: “Intellectual honesty is a personal commitment to search for the truth by examining the evidence and thinking rationally, to tell the truth, and to act according to the truth.” Hermes Solenzol in Sex, Science & Spirit. I wish I could tell you that being intellectually honest and building your credibility would get you more readers, but I am afraid that this would not be true. You will find yourself arguing with unethical fools who will use all kinds of dirty tricks to protect their beliefs. However, in the end, self-respect is one of the most valuable things that you will achieve with your writing.

Intellectual honesty is a commitment to examine the evidence, think rationally, tell the truth, and act according to the truth. What is intellectual honesty? Intellectual honesty is a personal commitment to search for the truth by examining the evidence and thinking rationally, to tell the truth, and to act according to the truth. The above is my own definition of intellectual honesty, which I think is more complete than the one provided by Wikipedia: "Intellectual honesty is an applied method of problem solving, characterized by an unbiased, honest attitude, which can be demonstrated in a number of different ways: 1) One's personal beliefs or politics do not interfere with the pursuit of truth. 2) Relevant facts and information are not purposefully omitted, even when such things may contradict one's hypothesis. 3) Facts are presented in an unbiased manner, and not twisted to give misleading impressions or to support one view over another. 4) References, or earlier work, are acknowledged where possible, and plagiarism is avoided." How science taught me intellectual honesty Over many years, as my beliefs drifted through several religions, philosophies and political ideologies, I became increasingly dissatisfied with the dogmatism I encountered everywhere. At the same time, doing scientific research acted as mental training, teaching me not to become enamored with a particular idea, but rather to put it to the most strenuous tests. No matter how genial an idea seemed at the beginning, I had to challenge it in my experiments to avoid being led in the wrong direction, wasting precious time and resources. Mother Nature does not yield her secrets easily; she only reveals the truth to those who are willing to humble themselves and leave their ego behind. I gradually realized that I had to apply the same discipline to my own personal life. It has been a slow, hard process. It is difficult to live in a state of constant doubt, to realize that many things will remain forever unknown. On top of that, people do not like complete honesty, no matter what they say, and they will not forgive you if you challenge their beliefs. The value of truth Why should we place such a high value on the truth? Because living a happy and meaningful life depends on making sound decisions based on truthful knowledge. A mind full of confusion and false beliefs not only leads us to behave badly, but it is also in itself a source of unhappiness. Buddhism recognizes this when it teaches that ignorance is the root of suffering and that discovering the truth will liberate us from it. The ancient Stoics of Greece and Rome reached a similar conclusion when they advocated a life of virtue based on honesty and rational thought. Living a life of virtue (eudaimonia) means living in close relationship with the truth. Lying to oneself leads to confusion, wrong decisions and even neurosis. Lying to others also leads to confusion, because the only effective way of lying is by building alternative realities that we end up believing. On a larger scale, the triumph of Western civilization is based on science, which is a way of gathering knowledge about the world that is rational, rigorous, evidence-based, self-consistent and self-correcting. Undermining science and its standards of truth will lead to the demise of our technological civilization, the one that has produced unprecedented standards of living and to a worldwide decrease in suffering. And yet, we live in a crisis of truthfulness. Much has been said about President Trump and his lies, but Trump is just the symptom of a disease that has been growing in both the Right and the Left for quite some time. While the Left was traditionally a bulwark for science and rationality, postmodernism and political correctness have convinced us to sacrifice truth for political expedience. As I discuss below, dogmatism, ideology and political correctness have infiltrated the intellectual discourse to such a level that it is hard to find an honest point of view anymore. We need a large group of people committed to intellectual honesty to counter this dangerous trend. Twelve things an intellectually honest person should do Say “I don’t know” when there is no evidence or rational argument to answer a particular question. Recognizing our lack of knowledge on a particular matter provides a good starting point for any inquiry. Logical fallacies are a constant threat to sound thinking. Anybody committed to intellectual honesty should study them to become able to recognize them in our own thinking and in the arguments of others. Needless to say, the intellectually honest person should expunge fallacies for his discourse and apologize if he unconsciously uses them. Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence. This means that it is intellectually dishonest to argue from ignorance, as when we say “you have no evidence for what you say, therefore what I say must be true”. Anybody who makes a statement that departs from the “I don’t know” baseline must provide evidence or logical arguments to support it. And this includes negative statements like “there are no unicorns”, which are the hardest to prove. When there is conflicting evidence for something, the intellectually honest person recognizes the evidence against his opinion and bases his argument in balancing evidence for and against his position. A critical thinker should avoid both type 1 errors (believing something that is false) and type 2 errors (not believing something that is true). The “skeptic’s fallacy” is giving more weight to evidence against a statement than to evidence for that statement. While it is true that “extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence”, this idea has been abused by skeptics by labeling a theory that they dislike as “extraordinary”. A more thoughtful approach is to realize that our description of reality must be internally consistent. Therefore, if something challenges that consistency, the evidence for it must be equivalent to the collective evidence in favor of all the theories it challenges. Alternatively, we must provide a way to reconcile the new idea with previously existing knowledge. Science provides a description of the world that is consistent from the very small (quantum mechanics) to the very large (astrophysics and relativity), and from the simple (physics and chemistry) to the complex (biology and neuroscience). If an idea does not fit into this consilience of the sciences, it should be in deep trouble. Lying is unethical for many reasons. It undermines trust and creates confusion in our own minds. But the main reason not to lie is that everybody has the right to know the truth and when we lie we rob them of that right. It is important to realize that being intellectually honest means not just that we must know the truth, but that everybody should know it as well. The principle of telling the truth is not an absolute one, but must be balanced against the moral imperative not to harm other people and to increase the collective good. There are inconvenient truths, which can range from something that clashes against our lifestyle to something that can actually harm people if it became known. However, we should keep in mind that even if something is harmful, that does not make it false. This is a fallacy known as “arguing from adverse consequences”, and it keeps creeping into politically correct discourses. The world is as it is, it has not been created for our convenience or in agreement with our ethical principles. However, if we know that the truth is going to harm somebody, we do not need to disseminate it. In fact, we may have the moral obligation to keep it hidden. For example, scientific findings that would encourage racism or sexism should be thoroughly challenged and not disseminated until they have been vetted. Lying is not just making false statements. There are many subtle ways of not telling the truth. For example, we can lie by omission: by giving the impression that we are telling the whole truth when in fact we are concealing something. However, this does not mean that we have an obligation to tell everything we know; everybody is allowed to keep secrets. What it does mean is that it is unethical to selectively tell some facts and hide others to buttress our opinion. Another subtle way of lying is by misrepresenting the certainty by which we know something. Unfortunately, it is quite common to bolster our ego by bragging about how much we know about something that in fact we have not studied in so much depth. The right thing to do is to bracket what we say with some information about how we know it and how well we know it. Exaggerations, personal attacks and other rhetorical tricks are also attempts at tweaking the truth to our advantage. Hypocrisy is also unethical. This means that when we know something to be true, we must act in accordance with that truth. Or at least recognize that we are not doing so, for whatever reason. Wishful thinking is an ever-present temptation, and so are negative thoughts that arise from our self-doubt and insecurities. We must become aware of how our emotions color our ideas and worldview, and strive to achieve the most impartial view that we can. The way I do that is to explore my mind and my emotions with practices like meditation and mindfulness. Not everything we say must be fact-based. Life would be incredibly dull without fiction, fantasy, opinion and speculation. However, we should strive to label any of these things as such. Of course, the line between speculation and opinion, and fact-based statements and logic is necessarily blurry. It must be so, or we would risk killing our creativity. Religious dogmas are unethical Dogmatism is to declare an idea as the truth, rejecting any evidence and arguments that oppose it. The main sources of dogmatism are religious beliefs and political ideologies. Some religions, like Buddhism, value free inquiry. Other religions, like Christianity and Islam, hold that believing in the absence of evidence is a moral good, which they call faith. However, even the religions, like Buddhism, that pay lip service to free inquiry, hold some unquestioned beliefs, like the existence of reincarnation and nirvana. Faith and dogmatism are not moral goods. They are unethical because they infringe the basic moral principle of respect for the truth, which must be sought freely and honestly. The basic immorality of religious faith has dire consequences: centuries of religious persecution, inquisitions, witch hunts and religious wars. Agnosticism In the 19th Century, Thomas Huxley, a biologist who was one of the earliest defenders of the Theory of Evolution, argued that faith and religious belief in the absence of evidence is, in fact, a moral wrong because it is a form of self-deception. He called his idea agnosticism. Later on, agnosticism came to mean indecision when confronted with the question “Do you believe in God?” I like to call Huxley’s original idea Strong Agnosticism. Instead of focusing on the idea of God, the strong agnostic confronts the “believe” part of the question, arguing that it is unethical to believe in something for which there is no evidence. Therefore the strong agnostic draws a sharp distinction between the two, apparently similar, statements “I do not believe in God” and “I believe that there is no God”. The first one is intellectually honest, because “I do not believe” is equivalent to “I do not know”, whereas the second would require proof for the statement that there is no God. Ideologies Ideologies often become similar to religions in their disrespect for the standards of truth. However, I am not arguing that ideologies are necessarily bad. By providing an internally consistent worldview, they are extremely effective in promoting effective ways to change it, hopefully for the better. Just like religions, ideologies become more powerful the more their followers believe in them, which creates an incentive for dogmatism. Still, the deceptions weaved by ideologies are more subtle than the blunt articles of faith of the religions. They may involve framing reality in such a way that emphasizes some aspects and hide others. Marxism emphasizes class differences, class struggle and the production of material wealth, while hiding the need for freedom and other non-material assets. Capitalism also focuses on material wealth, but justifies inequality on a supposedly selfish and competitive human nature. Feminism often veers to an extremist position that views everything through the lens of gender disparities. It erects the Patriarchy as the ultimate origin of most evils; not just the oppression of women, but also wealth inequality, violence and war. Animal liberationists exaggerate the similarities between humans and animals while discarding the obvious differences, as well as the moral contract that forms the basis for human rights. Another subtle way by which ideologies twist the truth is by starting with an idea and then searching for evidence supporting it, unlike the open inquiry for the truth practiced by science. This leads to rationalization (one-sided justification of a preexisting idea) and confabulation (made-up narratives to explain an event), two forms of self-deception that are common in the human mind. Again, I am not saying that we should discard all ideologies — in fact, I label myself as socialist, feminist and sex-positive — but that we should question them when they become dogmatic or frame inquiries in a restrictive and biased way. Political correctness Political correctness is a modern form of thought-control based on the manipulation of language and the exclusion of ideas. In the name of equality, respect and fairness, it deems that certain words and ideas are too immoral to be said in public and condemns anybody who dares say them to ostracism, loss of career and even worse - cancelling. Political correctness does not argue against ideas. It argues against your right to think, express and debate those ideas. This encourages bigotry, because politically correct ideas go unchallenged. Political correctness is a form of dogmatism, because it is impossible to consider the truthfulness of an idea if you cannot express it. But the problem with political correctness is not just censorship. It also has an active side that promotes certain ideas, like ‘mansplaining’ or ‘speciesism’, that have not been vetted by critical thinking, are assumed to be true, and cannot be criticized. Another problem with political correctness is that it deliberately confuses opinion with behavior. For example, expressing the opinion that pedophiles can be rehabilitated will get you labeled as a pedophile. Another insidious belief of political correctness is that we are conditioned to believe certain things by our gender, race, nationality, etc. This serves to justify censorship by discarding the opinion of a person based on the group he or she belongs to, and not on the value of their ideas. Bullshit Bullshit is not lying. It is an ongoing discourse done with absolute disrespect for the truth and with the goal of bolstering our ego and our social standing. "In his essay On Bullshit (originally written in 1986, and published as a monograph in 2005), philosopher Harry Frankfurt of Princeton University characterizes bullshit as a form of falsehood distinct from lying. The liar, Frankfurt holds, knows and cares about the truth, but deliberately sets out to mislead instead of telling the truth. The "bullshitter", on the other hand, does not care about the truth and is only seeking to impress." Wikipedia. Conclusions We desperately need more intellectual honesty in all aspects of modern discourse, but particularly in politics. However, the critical thinker faces an uphill battle because he will be attacked from both the Right and the Left. Challenging beliefs engenders a remarkable amount of violence. For many centuries and even today, religions have punished non-believers with torture and death. Modern political correctness and cancelling are used to ruin people and end their careers. Only by establishing intellectual honesty, critical thinking and free speech as core values in our societies we can fight this awful drive towards dogmatism.

A critical examination of the idea that prehistorical humans were egalitarians and polyamorous. A long, long time ago, we lived in tribes in which men and women were equal, sharing in the gathering and preparation of food, and having equal decision power. Tribes lived in peace with each other. Everybody could have sex with everybody else in the tribe. Children were raised in common by the tribe and nobody cared who their father was. But was it really like that? Or rather… A long, long time ago, we lived in tribes of hunter-gatherers in which men did the hunting and women did the gathering. Because men carried weapons to hunt and were stronger, they subjugated the women. In fact, women were considered chattel to be traded between tribes. The kidnapping of women and warfare over them was common. A careful record was kept of who was the offspring of whom and this was a major determinant of allegiances and social status. The first idea is known as the Myth of the Noble Savage and can be traced back to the writings of the French philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau. I wrote it here as a recent interpretation that I found in the book Sex At Dawn, by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá. The second idea is often called Hobbesian, after the English philosopher Thomas Hobbes, who famously wrote that “life in the state of nature was solitary, poor, nasty, brutish and short”. More nuanced versions of the Hobbesian view can be found in the popular books The Better Angels of Our Nature, by psychologist Steven Pinker, and Sapiens, by historian Yuval Noah Harari. Pinker argues in his book that we live in the least violent period of human history and that this is the culmination of a steady decline in violence from prehistory to our days. He provides compelling evidence for his claim. The way I wrote the second paragraph is taken from the descriptions of the Yanamamö tribe of Venezuela and Brazil by anthropologist Napoleon Chagnon in his book My Life Among Two Dangerous Tribes — the Yanomamö and the Anthropologists. The debate on whether our ancestors were noble or violent savages has raged for over a century. It is critically important because it addresses deeper questions about human nature. The reason for this is the following. Our species, Homo sapiens, has existed for 250,000 years. During most of that time we were hunter-gatherers and lived in tribes. Only during the last 10,000 years (4% of our existence) we have practiced agriculture, domesticated animals and lived in cities. Therefore, our genes were shaped by evolution during our time as hunter-gatherers and not during our relatively brief existence as civilized people. Questions like whether men have a natural tendency to dominate women, whether we are naturally monogamous, or whether jealousy is inevitable should be answered taking this into account. Political implications Whether human nature is Rousseauian or Hobbesian has deep political implications. Socialists want to emphasize that humans are naturally inclined towards cooperation, because then solidarity between workers, associating in unions, and creating a state that enforces equality would be a natural human tendency. Conversely, capitalists prefer the Hobbesian view of human nature. That way, the selfish search for our own interest and competition for natural resources that form the basis for market dynamics would be just an extension of our natural inclinations. The creation of money, commercial transactions and the laws of economics are ways to rationalize what otherwise would be a violent competition for resources (see Sapiens). A related political issue needs to be recognized: the appalling history of violence, theft and exploitation perpetrated by the European colonizers against indigenous people around the world. This shows that being “civilized” (that is, an inhabitant of industrialized states) does not imply any kind of moral superiority over being a “savage” (that is, a member of tribes of hunter-gatherers). However, important as it is, this is not the subject of this article. Are we naturally violent or cooperative? Who is right? Ironically, research by some economists revealed that humans make decisions about money not based on rational calculus, as assumed by capitalism, but based on emotional decisions about what is fair. Thus, experiments using the ultimatum game proved the existence of altruistic punishment, in which a person is willing to lose something or invest energy to punish another person who is perceived to act unfairly, even if the injustice does not affect the punisher. Altruistic punishment exists in all human communities and is driven by hormones like oxytocin and testosterone (it is stronger in men). This shows that it is biologically determined, not cultural. This is evidence that human nature is geared towards fairness and cooperation, and therefore supports the idea of the Noble Savage. In other articles, I suggested that uniquely human emotions like shame and pride also evolved to support cooperation. On the other hand, humans are quite violent. Primitive humans living in tribes seem to be more violent, not less, than us. Thus, Chagnon recounts how the Yanomamö live in a constant state of warfare between tribes. The killing of men and the kidnapping of women (which is tantamount to gang rape) are very common. There is also violence inside the tribe, quite often due to disputes among men for the possession of a woman. Women are beaten, even killed, by jealous husbands who suspect them of infidelity. Powerful men may have several wives (polygyny), but sometimes two men may share a woman (polyandry). Similar dynamics in the tribes of New Guinea are described by biologist Jared Diamond in his book Why Is Sex Fun? There is a caveat, however: both the Yanomamö studied by Chagnon and the tribes of New Guinea studied by Diamond are not pure hunter-gatherers, but are more accurately described as horticulturalists: they hunt but also consume fruits and vegetables that they cultivate in gardens near their villages. Therefore, they represent an intermediate step between hunter-gathering and agriculture. The birth of the Patriarchy Feminists propose that the Patriarchy started with the Agricultural Revolution of 10,000 years ago, when the defense of cultivable land, domestic animals and food stocks led to the militarization of men. As a consequence, women started to be considered as just another possession, like land and animals. It was also important to determine if a child was truly sired by the man whose possessions he was going to inherit. So, perhaps the Yanomamö and the New Guinea tribes were already infected by the cultural virus of the Patriarchy? Maybe during the last 10,000 years the memes of monogamy and the possession of women have reached even the last remaining hunter-gatherers, but in ancient times everything was different? It is hard to know how humans lived tens of thousands of years ago, since they left almost no cultural remains. However, human bones and skeletons from before the Agricultural Revolution often show signs of violence. Steven Pinker proposes that this means that primitive humans warred frequently and were more violent than we are. The following figure shows that violent deaths were far more numerous in tribal societies than in societies run by the state. This is even true for nations like Germany, Russia and Japan that were decimated by the World Wars of the 20th Century. Is polyamory ancient? Polyamory is a recent cultural phenomenon, so the question of whether humans are naturally polyamorous was not considered by anthropologists and sexologists. In fact, most anthropologists seem reluctant to consider polyamory as a viable alternative to monogamy. For them, the options are between monogamy (one man married to one woman) and polygyny (one man married to several women), because these are what we find in modern cultures. “Of the 1,231 societies listed in the 1980 Ethnographic Atlas, 186 were found to be monogamous; 453 had occasional polygyny; 588 had more frequent polygyny; and 4 had polyandry. […] More recent studies have found more than 50 other societies practicing polyandry.” Wikipedia. However, polyamory is different from both polygyny and polyandry, because it allows for any combination of genders, including same-sex relationships. In Sex At Dawn, Ryan and Jethá propose that this is not just a modern phenomenon but was in fact the common way of life before the Agricultural Revolution. They offer a vision of ancient tribes in which sex was shared as commonly as food, even between people of the same gender. The paternity of children was a non-issue because there was no property to inherit and children were raised in common by the whole tribe. Since men didn’t possess women, jealousy, fighting over women, and the abuse of women were unnecessary. This view seems to agree with the myth of the non-violent and highly cooperative Noble Savage. However, it is not required that the two things go together. It is possible that ancient tribes were fairly violent and yet promiscuous, and that monogamy only became standard after the Agricultural Revolution. Are there other indications that we are naturally monogamous or promiscuous? Monogamy is driven by oxytocin and vasopressin There is strong evidence that monogamy in mammals is genetically determined, so whether we are monogamous or polyamorous is inscribed in our biological nature and is not a cultural phenomenon. This evidence is based on research on prairie voles, a species of rodents that are monogamous: they bond for life and raise their offspring together. However, a closely-related species, the montane vole, is promiscuous. The difference between the two species is the number of receptors for oxytocin in their brains: prairie voles have many more receptors that montane voles. Using transgenic techniques, scientists decreased the expression of oxytocin receptors in the brains of prairie voles, and this made them as promiscuous as the montane voles. Since then, there has been a great deal of research on oxytocin and the other social hormone, vasopressin. While monogamous behavior in females is driven by oxytocin, in males it is driven by both oxytocin and vasopressin, which also induces territoriality and playful aggression. Therefore, it is likely that humans are monogamous or promiscuous depending on the amount of oxytocin and vasopressin receptors expressed in their brains. Ape sexuality Another way to look at the question of whether we are naturally monogamous is to look at our close cousins, the great apes. None of these species are monogamous. Gorillas are polygynous, with one silver-back male guarding a harem of several females. Orangutans are quite weird sexually: males are solitary and females sporadically choose to mate with older males having facial plates. However, often a younger male rapes a female orangutan. Chimps live in troops that are hierarchically organized, with a dominant male in control. When a female reaches estrous, the dominant male mates with her and then allows other males that he favors to have access to her (see Chimpanzee Politics by Frans de Waal). Bonobos are by far the most interesting species, sexually speaking. Unlike chimps, their troops are ruled by a coalition of females who bond by having sex with each other. They also have sex with the males, and do not need to be in estrous to do so. Sex is very frequent and is used for bonding and to dispel social stress. Hence, bonobos have become a poster example for polyamory. Their close genetic proximity to our species has been used as an argument in favor of humans being naturally polyamorous. Indeed, if monogamy was natural to humans, it would not be so difficult being faithful. It may be that our brains do not have all that many oxytocin receptors, after all. Gender equality and monogamy are separate issues Some feminists want to tie gender equality, non-monogamy and non-violence into one neat package in a modern version of the Myth of the Noble Savage. According to this view, when sex is shared and there is no jealousy, the use of violence to control women and to keep other men away from “our” woman becomes unnecessary. When a bunch of men and women are deeply bonded by sex and romantic love, social hierarchies based on male power cannot be established, just like happens with bonobos. Then, gender equality comes naturally. Therefore, polyamory eliminates in one full sweep gender inequality, violence against women and violence between men. In fact, they argue, this is the natural state of the human species. The Agricultural Revolution was the Original Sin that started the Patriarchy with all its nasty corollaries of violence, gender inequality, warfare and jealousy. As somebody who practices polyamory and has experienced its benefits in my personal life, I find this view is quite appealing. However, I need to consider the evidence. The Patriarchy is a set of beliefs, customs and laws that assigns specific roles to men and women that put men dominant positions. Likewise, Monogamy (with capital M) could be defined as a set of beliefs, customs and laws that prioritize monogamous, sexually-exclusive relationships and prohibit other types of sexual relationships. Both are power structures that predominate in modern societies. However, this doesn’t mean that Patriarchy and Monogamy are the same thing. Some traditional Mormon and Islamic societies are patriarchal but not monogamous. Conversely, many feminists oppose both the Patriarchy and polyamory, because they view polyamory as another trick of men to satisfy their inveterate lust without having to commit to stable relationships. Of course, this is not true. Recent research shows that women become bored with monogamous sex more often than men. There are also libertarians who practice polyamory while opposing feminism. My point is that Patriarchy and Monogamy are different, and so is the fight against them. My conclusions There is a lot that we don’t know about ancient human societies before the Agricultural Revolution. Given the scant remains that they left behind, perhaps we will never truly know how they were. Uncontacted tribes of hunter-gatherers have practically disappeared, and with them our hope of learning how we were in the distant past. Only recently we have begun to realize how important it is to leave their cultures intact, instead of trying to convert them to Christianity and to the pervasive religion of consumerism and industrialization. Other sources of knowledge about human nature are the great apes, but research on them has been seriously curtailed by animal rights activists. Perhaps our best hope to answer these questions is neuroscience research comparing the human brain with the brain of monogamous and non-monogamous mammals. With these caveats, here are my temporary conclusions on these issues: Cooperation is the most basic characteristic of the human species. We do this better than any other animal thanks to language, which is able to transmit an enormous amount of information, not just in the present but across time. However, we are also violent. Cooperation does not automatically eliminate violence. In fact, we are very good at cooperating for violence and warfare. There is ample evidence that ancient humans were more violent than we are. As demonstrated by Steven Pinker in Better Angels, civilization and moral progress were the key factors in diminishing violence through history. Regarding gender equality, I think that this is a modern achievement. If primitive societies were violent and engaged in frequent warfare, this would have established power structures in which men dominate women. Regarding monogamy, I don’t think that we are naturally monogamous. What we have is a great flexibility in our ability to bond and form sexual relationships. These are largely determined by the culture we live in. One of the most remarkable features of the human species, that we share with bonobos, is that sex has evolved from a mere reproductive function to sustain social bonding and cooperation. This explains some mysterious features of human sexuality: concealed ovulation, lack of estrous, continuous availability for sex, the prevalence of homosexual sex, sexual dominance and submission, having powerful orgasms, and menopause. In general terms, I don’t believe in the Myth of the Noble Savage. I wish it was true, but the balance of the evidence indicates otherwise. We have a tendency to believe in a golden past era when everything was better. In fact, it is quite the opposite. By any standards, we live in the best possible moment in History, in terms of lack of violence, wealth, decreased poverty, sexual freedom and gender equality. I have to thank Steven Pinker and his book Better Angels for opening my eyes in this regard. Perhaps polyamory is just one more of these modern achievements, and not a return to the relationship model of ancient humans. If so, it is okay. Still, it is clear that monogamy, sexual exclusivity and jealousy are not written in our genes, but are cultural norms that can be overcome. Therefore, even if polyamory is not the natural relationship model for humans, there is nothing in our nature that keeps us from practicing it. Perhaps it will become the relationship model of the future.

Scientific evidence debunks the belief that vegans have healthier sex lives This article is in response to This Is Why Vegans Have Better Sex, by Christopher Kokoski. Claim 1: vegans have a reputation for being good lovers “But what you may not know is that vegans also have a reputation for being great in bed.” Christopher Kokoski. Creating this “reputation” was the objective of an infamous ad campaign by PETA that showed an injured woman after supposedly having sex with her vegan boyfriend. The campaign was denounced for promoting violence against women. The ad can still be found on YouTube: The misogynistic leanings of PETA have been denounced in many places. Time: PETA compares rape to eating meat. Ms. magazine: PETA does not support the ethical treatment of women. This contradicts their name because, technically speaking, women are animals, too. BuzzFeed: like Donald Trump, PETA encourages men to “grab a pussy” PETA Kills Animals is a website devoted to expose the practice of PETA of killing cats and dogs by the thousands, and other outrages perpetrated by this organization. The link takes you to a list of misogynistic things that PETA has done. If vegans have a reputation for anything, is for being self-righteous and preachy. The article by Mr. Kokoski is just another example of that. Let me examine his other claims in the light of scientific evidence. Claim 2: vegans have higher red blood cells and better tissue oxygenation— it is actually the opposite “A vegan diet, which is high in various nutrients and low in saturated fat and cholesterol, can help to enhance blood viscosity. This allows more oxygen to reach the muscles, which aids athletic performance.” Christopher Kokoski. There are actually several claims embedded in this paragraph: a) That a vegan diet increases blood viscosity. b) That an increase in blood viscosity is healthy. c) That a vegan diet allows more oxygen to reach the muscles. What Mr. Kokoski probably means by “blood viscosity” is an increase in hematocrit: the density of red blood cells (erythrocytes) in the blood. Erythrocytes contain hemoglobin, an iron-containing protein that carries oxygen from the lungs to all the tissues in the body. Athletes know quite well that a higher hematocrit improves their performance. Erythropoietin is a hormone that can be taken to increase red bloods cells. However, it is forbidden in sport competitions, being considered a doping agent. Another way to increase the hematocrit is to live for a while in high altitude places, like Bolivia. However, going vegan does not increase red blood cells. It is actually the opposite. Increasing red blood cells requires two things that are abundant in red meat and absent in vegetables: heme iron and vitamin B12. Each molecule of hemoglobin contains four atoms of iron, which are required to bind oxygen. Therefore, producing red bloods cells requires that we absorb iron in our food. Although iron is present in some vegetables, it is difficult to absorb it in our gut. However, iron that is already bond to hemoglobin or to myoglobin - a similar oxygen-binding protein present in the muscles - is absorbed readily. Red meat is basically muscle that is rich in myoglobin - that’s why it is red, myoglobin is red, like hemoglobin. Hence, eating enough red meat is the best way to have healthy levels of red cells. Indeed, anemia is a frequent health problem in vegans. One study (Waldmann et al., 2004) found that 40% of young vegan women in Germany had iron deficiency, even though there was enough (non heme) iron in their diet. A study (Tong et al., 2019) of large samples of people in the UK found that people who did not eat enough red meat - not just vegans and vegetarians, but also poultry and fish eaters - had 3.7% less hemoglobin and a higher risk to develop anemia. Vitamin B12 (cobalamin) is necessary for DNA synthesis during red blood cell production. Its deficiency causes megaloblastic anemia, another form of erythrocyte deficiency. Vegans must take vitamin B12 supplements to avoid it (Selinger et al., 2019), because it cannot be synthesized by the body and its main source is animal foods like meat, liver, eggs and milk. This type of anemia is a concern in babies with vegan mothers who are exclusively breastfed (Chalouhi et al., 2008; Shinwell and Gorodischer, 1982). If not given B12 supplements in time, these children can develop lifelong neurological deficiencies. Therefore, it is completely false that vegans have higher a red blood cell count than omnivores or a better oxygen supply to their muscles. It’s the opposite: unless vegans take iron and vitamin B12 supplements, they risk anemia. This is particularly true for young women who lose a lot of blood during menstruation. As for blood viscosity, it is actually a liability because it increases the risk of stroke. That’s precisely the reason why taking erythropoietin to increase athletic performance is prohibited in athletic competitions and risky. High blood viscosity is not a good thing. Claim 3: vegans have stronger erections - unproven I couldn’t find any evidence of this. The PubMed search (vegan[Title/Abstract]) AND (erection[Title/Abstract]) yielded 0 hits. Mr. Kokoski cites the following paper as evidence (Kostis and Dobrzynski, 2014): The Effect of Statins on Erectile Dysfunction: A Meta-Analysis of Randomized Trials. As the title indicates, this study has nothing to do with veganism. It simply shows that taking statins to lower cholesterol counters erectile dysfunction in older men. Following my doctor’s recommendation, I started taking rosuvastatin last year. Both my parents died of cardiovascular disease, so keeping my cholesterol in check as I age seems like a good idea. Mr. Kokoski argues that a vegan diet lowers cholesterol, and that this may indirectly improve erections. I found two papers that addressed this issue. The first (Sanders and Key, 1987) reported that cholesterol was lower in male but not in female vegans. Blood pressure in vegans was the same as in omnivores, but vegans had higher diastolic blood pressure. The second study (Resnicow et al., 1991) also found that vegans have lower cholesterol and low-density-lipoprotein (“bad”) cholesterol, and normal high-density-lipoprotein (“good”) cholesterol. So, it is true that vegans have lower cholesterol. This is not surprising, since vegans eat less cholesterol, which is abundant in animal foods like meat, eggs and seafood. I doubt that cholesterol has any effect on erections in normal men. Ideas about cholesterol have changed lately with the realization that it is important for brain function, particularly during childhood and adolescence. Older men like me could go vegan to improve their cholesterol but, personally, I’d rather take statins. My erections are fine, thank you very much. When they are not, I’ll take some Viagra with my steak. Claim 4: vegan men have more sperm and higher testosterone - not true We start to see a pattern here. When Mr. Kokoski says that vegans are better at sex, he seems to mean men with stronger erections pounding their girlfriends into the wall until they have to wear a neck brace. Like that poor woman in the PETA video. Is veganism a path to toxic masculinity? Anyway, let’s go back to the science. Mr. Kokoski cites another paper (Kljajic et al., 2021). This is a study with a small sample size (10 vegans and 10 omnivores) published in an obscure journal, but it does show that the vegans have higher sperm count and motility. However, this has nothing to do with the quality of sex, unless the goal is to get pregnant. This paper (Key et al., 1990) shows that vegan men have 7% higher total testosterone, but actually 3% lower free testosterone. They also have a whopping 11% higher estradiol, the female sex hormone. The difference between total and free testosterone is due to a higher level in vegans of sex hormone-binding globulin, a protein in the blood that sequesters testosterone. These results are confirmed by another paper (Allen et al., 2000). A review paper (Allen and Key, 2000) concludes: “These studies have not demonstrated that variations in dietary composition have any long-term important effects on circulating bioavailable sex hormone levels in men.” Claim 5: vegans are more compassionate and hence likely to treat their lovers better “In addition, vegans typically possess deep compassion, which can carry over into the bedroom.” Christopher Kokoski. The vegans I know are good people who have the good taste of not being too preachy about their eating habits. They don’t seem to be more or less compassionate than the regular guy. However, I know a different type of vegan, the animal liberationist, who is not compassionate at all. They are actually quite dangerous if you get in their sights. They will burn your car, flood our house and leave bombs at your door. Here is an article about them. Does veganism have any effects on the mind? “Veganism has also been linked with lower levels of stress and anxiety, which can further improve sexual performance.” Christopher Kokoski. Sorry, Mr. Kokoski, but that is not true. A meta-analysis of several scientific studies (Dobersek et al., 2021) shows that meat consumption actually lowers depression and anxiety. This is true for both men and women. Another paper (Sariyska et al., 2019) shows that vegans score high for care, sadness and spirituality, but lower for play. This means that your potential vegan lover is caring, religious, sad, and not very playful. Just the things to look for in a lover, right? The paper also shows that vegans score lower for Machiavellism, narcissism and psychopathy. But, wait! The differences stopped being statistically significant when you corrected for gender. Perhaps because there are differences in these things between men and women. Go figure. Vegans are also more predisposed to pathological eating behaviors (McLean et al., 2022). But we knew that already. Claim 6: vegans have higher sex drives - unproven Mr. Kokoski does not provide any evidence for this. I couldn’t find any, either. The PubMed search (vegan[Title/Abstract]) AND (sexual arousal[Title/Abstract]) produced 0 hits. He assumes that, because vegans have “good circulation”, they have a higher sex drive. However, I already debunked the claim that vegans have better oxygenation of their tissues than omnivores (claim 2). Claim 7: veganism relieves the symptoms of menopause - unproven “According to new research, a plant-based diet can also help relieve the symptoms of menopause.” Christopher Kokoski. Unfortunately, Mr. Kokoski does not provide any citation to this exciting new research. “In case you’re wondering, soy isoflavones are estrogen-like compounds found in plant-based foods. They ‘deepfake’ estrogen in the body.” Christopher Kokoski. Actually, pseudo-steroids and other endocrine disruptors are not a good thing. They are pollutants blamed for the feminization of male animals in the environment, and they may be feminizing men as well. If isoflavones mimic estrogen in women’s body, they would do the same in men’s bodies. Either veganism enhances femininity by mimicking estrogens, or they enhance masculinity by increasing testosterone. Which is it? You can’t have it both ways. Maybe this is why vegan men have 11% higher estradiol (Key et al., 1990)? I don’t think female hormones would improve the sexual performance of men, do you? And out-of-control estrogens are bad for women, too. They can induce breast and ovarian cancer. That is why we should avoid the parabens - which are endocrine disruptors - that are often used in cosmetics (Jiao et al., 2021). Conclusions Unlike Mr. Kokoski, who only cites two papers, I have provided 16 citations to peer-reviewed papers to address each one of his claims. These were selected as the most informative amongst many other papers I found in several searches of the PubMed database, the most complete repository of biomedical papers in the world. Of the many claims in Mr. Kokoski’s article, only two have some validity: that vegans have lower cholesterol and higher sperm counts. However, neither of these things supports his general claim that vegans have better sex than omnivores. Quite the opposite: a vegan diet entails risks of anemia that, if not countered with iron and B12 supplements, can negatively impact your sex life. “The lady doth protest too much, methinks.” Hamlet, Shakespeare. Why are vegans so adamant in defending that they are better in bed? Is this just another propaganda move to make us accept their ideology? Or does it reflect some insecurity that their vegan diet may actually lower their (male) sexual performance? After all, there is some evidence in the papers I cite that veganism may have a feminizing effect in men - it increases a female hormone. I would be happy to settle in that diet does not have a great effect on sexual performance, one way or the other. As long, of course, that pathological obesity is avoided. But I think I have debunked the claims of PETA parroted by Mr. Kokoski. Bullshit is the only animal product that vegans seem to consume in large quantities. References Allen, N. E., Appleby, P. N., Davey, G. K., Key, T. J., 2000. Hormones and diet: low insulin-like growth factor-I but normal bioavailable androgens in vegan men. British journal of cancer 83, 95-97. Allen, N. E., Key, T. J., 2000. The effects of diet on circulating sex hormone levels in men. Nutr Res Rev 13, 159-184. Chalouhi, C., Faesch, S., Anthoine-Milhomme, M. C., Fulla, Y., Dulac, O., Chéron, G., 2008. Neurological consequences of vitamin B12 deficiency and its treatment. Pediatr Emerg Care 24, 538-541. Dobersek, U., Teel, K., Altmeyer, S., Adkins, J., Wy, G., Peak, J., 2021. Meat and mental health: A meta-analysis of meat consumption, depression, and anxiety. Crit Rev Food Sci Nutr, 1-18. Jiao, L., Li, S., Zhai, J., Wang, D., Li, H., Chu, W., Geng, X., Du, Y., 2021. Propylparaben concentrations in the urine of women and adverse effects on ovarian function in mice in vivo and ovarian cells in vitro. J Appl Toxicol 41, 1719-1731. Key, T. J., Roe, L., Thorogood, M., Moore, J. W., Clark, G. M., Wang, D. Y., 1990. Testosterone, sex hormone-binding globulin, calculated free testosterone, and oestradiol in male vegans and omnivores. Br J Nutr 64, 111-119. Kljajic, M., Hammadeh, M. E., Wagenpfeil, G., Baus, S., Sklavounos, P., Solomayer, E. F., Kasoha, M., 2021. Impact of the Vegan Diet on Sperm Quality and Sperm Oxidative Stress Values: A Preliminary Study. J Hum Reprod Sci 14, 365-371. Kostis, J. B., Dobrzynski, J. M., 2014. The Effect of Statins on Erectile Dysfunction: A Meta-Analysis of Randomized Trials. The journal of sexual medicine 11, 1626-1635. McLean, C. P., Moeck, E. K., Sharp, G., Thomas, N. A., 2022. Characteristics and clinical implications of the relationship between veganism and pathological eating behaviours. Eat Weight Disord 27, 1881-1886. Resnicow, K., Barone, J., Engle, A., Miller, S., Haley, N. J., Fleming, D., Wynder, E., 1991. Diet and serum lipids in vegan vegetarians: a model for risk reduction. J Am Diet Assoc 91, 447-453. Sanders, T. A., Key, T. J., 1987. Blood pressure, plasma renin activity and aldosterone concentrations in vegans and omnivore controls. Hum Nutr Appl Nutr 41, 204-211. Sariyska, R., Markett, S., Lachmann, B., Montag, C., 2019. What Does Our Personality Say About Our Dietary Choices? Insights on the Associations Between Dietary Habits, Primary Emotional Systems and the Dark Triad of Personality. Frontiers in psychology 10, 2591. Selinger, E., Kühn, T., Procházková, M., Anděl, M., Gojda, J., 2019. Vitamin B12 Deficiency Is Prevalent Among Czech Vegans Who Do Not Use Vitamin B12 Supplements. Nutrients 11. Shinwell, E. D., Gorodischer, R., 1982. Totally vegetarian diets and infant nutrition. Pediatrics 70, 582-586. Tong, T. Y. N., Key, T. J., Gaitskell, K., Green, T. J., Guo, W., Sanders, T. A., Bradbury, K. E., 2019. Hematological parameters and prevalence of anemia in white and British Indian vegetarians and nonvegetarians in the UK Biobank. Am J Clin Nutr 110, 461-472. Waldmann, A., Koschizke, J. W., Leitzmann, C., Hahn, A., 2004. Dietary iron intake and iron status of German female vegans: results of the German vegan study. Ann Nutr Metab 48, 103-108. Copyright 2022 Hermes Solenzol

Julio and Cecilia make their kinky fantasies real in the park in Paris where Story of O begins Excerpt of my novel Games of Love and Kink From the Porte d’Orleans, Boulevard Jourdan climbed up a long incline to the Park of Montsouris. The sky was full of puffy clouds that hid the sun from time to time, carried by a light wind. Cecilia took Julio by the arm and hummed a melody. “What a beautiful tune! What is it?” “Don’t you remember?” “Not really.” “It’s the theme of Story of O.” “You have quite a memory! You only listened to it once, in that movie.” “I have an excellent memory for music. When I hear something I like, it stays with me.” She kept on humming while she danced around Julio, making her skirt fly. He laughed, took her hands and whirled with her. They ventured into the park through a gate in its corner. It was nice and well-tended. The grass shone with the green freshness of summer. There were a variety of trees: oaks, chestnuts, pines, firs and others whose names she didn’t know. A deep trench split the park in two. They followed it to a small bridge that crossed it. At the bottom of the trench there were railways and the platforms of a train station under construction. On the other side, stairs and ramps descended to a large pond. Wild ducks swam in it, taking flight with a noisy beating of wings, skidding on the water when they landed. They walked around the pond holding hands. There was a sculpture of a group of men carrying a dead lion on their shoulders. Further down there was another statue of a faun caressing the hair of a shepherdess with naked breasts. The faun and the girl looked at each other with mischievous smiles. “I wish we had erotic statues like this in Madrid,” she said. “Instead of fascist symbols and generals on horses.” Julio span her around by pulling on her hair and kissed her. At the end of the pond there was a man-made brook, which began in a beautiful waterfall between rocks and trees. They went up a semicircular ramp that surrounded the rocks and the waterfall to a wide terrace overlooking the pond. “Everything is so sensual in this park!” she said. “No wonder they chose it for the beginning of Story of O.” “And look! There come O and René.” Julio pointed with his chin to a young couple. The girl wore a tight miniskirt and high heels; the man, a light summer suit. He had taken off his tie and undone the top buttons of his shirt. In his hand he carried a switch. From time to time, he hit the naked legs of the girl with it, who hopped in pain and then laughed. She put her arm around Julio’s waist, her eyes fixed on the couple. “We are not the only ones to have this idea. Do you think you can get a switch like that?” “I don’t think that it would be too difficult.” They continued on a path that led back to the future train station. Looking over a handrail imitating tree branches, they saw a much deeper trench, also with rails at the bottom. They seemed abandoned. Julio considered the steep slope of dirt and rocks that descended to its edge. He took her by the hand and led her back down the trail to a place where the slope was less steep. He jumped over the handrail. “Come.” “Hey, are you sure? It must be forbidden to jump the handrail.” “Don’t worry, we won’t be seen down there. Come on, hurry up!” They went down the slope between some large trees. She stepped over fallen branches, careful not to slip on the dry leaves that covered the ground. To the right, stone blocks covered with moss and ferns formed an irregular wall under the trail, with deep gushes and odd corners. “Wait for me here.” Julio left her in a place where the rocks made a roof over her head, hiding her from the trail above. Lush trees and bushes hid them in all other directions. Julio walked into the bushes. She saw him select a long straight branch, cut it with his pocket knife, and strip the leaves and side sprouts. The result was a three foot long switch. He returned to her side and made the switch whistle in the air to test its suppleness. “That looks like it will hurt a lot!” Her heart raced. “Didn’t you want me to get a switch like the one that guy had? And look, this place looks like a dungeon!” “Yes, this is just what we were looking for.” She tried to sound braver than she felt. Julio hugged her, whispering in her ear: “Give me your panties.” They had done that before, but even so, her heart quivered in her chest. Still, she obeyed, pulling down her panties with shaking hands. Julio stuffed them in his pocket. He opened his switchblade. She took a step back. “Don’t be afraid, I am not going to cut you!” “I know! It’s just that knives freak me out.” “This is what they did to O in that car.” He undid two buttons of her blouse. She felt the cold steel touch her shoulder; a snap when he cut the strap of her bra. He did the same on the other shoulder, then slid the knife between her breasts to cut the bra there. Pulling on one of the cups, he got it out from under her shirt. Instinctively, she crossed her arms over her chest. “My shirt is see-through.” “No big deal, the French are used to that. Shall we go on?” “No, wait! Hug me first.” “You are trembling, girl! Come on, calm down.” He hugged her, stroking her back. “Don’t worry, I won’t chicken out… Just give me a moment… Everything is happening so fast!” “Take your time, we have all afternoon.” Julio lifted the back of her skirt. She felt his avid hands on her naked buns. She pushed against him to feel the bump of his hard-on. “I think I’m ready,” she muttered. Julio tucked her skirt into the waistband to leave her bottom exposed. “Turn around, put your hand on the wall, and stick your bottom out.” She found a place for her hands in the coarse rock in front of her, put her feet slightly apart and lifted her bottom. She didn’t want to disappoint him. The cold air on her buttocks made her acutely aware of her vulnerability. She heard the whistle of the switch cutting through the air. A searing line cut across her butt. The next lash came almost immediately, the pain adding to the previous one. It took her breath away. Involuntarily, she swung her hips forward to escape the switch, stomping her feet. “Ow! No, please! Not so fast!” she moaned. “Okay, I’m sorry… Let me know when you are ready.” It was harder now that she knew what was coming. “All right… Now.” The third lash was less hard. Fear and pain gave way to excitement about her nakedness, her indecent posture, and having to endure Julio’s whims. After six lashes, she lost count. Although Julio was hitting her less hard and spaced the strokes, it still hurt. It hurt a lot! Several times she had to break her stance, pushed forward by the searing pain. But then she stuck out her bottom again. Because she didn’t want to disappoint him. Because she liked that he could hurt her so much. Especially in the lower part of her buttocks, near her thighs, where she felt most vulnerable. It was exciting, but she didn’t know how long she could endure. “Well, I think that’s enough,” said Julio. He hugged her and pulled down her skirt, hiding a map of stinging lines crisscrossing her bottom. He kissed her. She responded passionately. “It hurt, didn’t it?” “A lot.” “I noticed. But I liked the way you accepted it, the way you surrendered to me. I love you, Cecilia. I love you a lot!” “And I love you! I want you to make me yours. Please take my virginity. I’ve made you wait far too long.” “Not here. In the hotel.” “Of course.” He whispered in her ear: “Before I take your virginity, I will whip you with this switch again. I want your bottom to be in flames when I enter you for the first time.” “Yes, that’s what I deserve! To feel pain while you enjoy me.” “I’m very proud of you. How you endure the pain and give yourself to me.” Julio took her hand and helped her climb back the slope and jump over the fence. They strolled in the park, Julio’s arm around her waist, the switch in his other hand. She shook a little, even though it wasn’t cold. She felt naked and her bottom smarted, particularly where Julio’s hand laid on her skirt, possessively. Her erect nipples pushed against the thin fabric of her shirt and attracted the looks of the men that crossed their path. She was just a sexual being, tamed, exposed, meant for pleasure. It had been like being in Roissy, a harsh lashing that left her soft and compliant. She didn’t expect that Julio was going to hurt her so much. She didn’t expect that she was going to like it so much. She could barely wait to arrive at the hotel, so that Julio could finish taking possession of her. They had waited far too long, but it was worth it, to have this marvelous experience, in this magical place, on such a perfect summer day.

Excerpt of my novel The tribe of Cecilia. In BDSM, mind-fucking is game that takes the submissive to a state of vulnerability using emotions like sexual desire, fear and shame. Madrid, Saturday October 27, 1979 Martina walked decidedly to a bar around the corner. It was one of the thousands of bars in Madrid, the kind that smelled of grilled prawns, with the floor perpetually covered with sawdust, paper napkins, and toothpicks. Marina sat on a stool at the bar and ordered two beers, without even asking her what she wanted. Elena sat next to her, looking around her uncomfortably. There were several older men and a middle-aged couple. A young boy was viciously destroying aliens in a video game, with an annoying whine of lasers and explosions of space grenades. Except for him, everyone seemed to look at them, averting their eyes at the last moment. Martina looked at her calmly. “You seem a little nervous, princess. What's up? You don't go to bars much?” “Oh yes, quite often! But I don't know what we're doing here.” “Do you want to go back to the meeting?” “No… I think it was a good idea to leave.” “Yes, there was a storm brewing. I don't know if you noticed, but they all were staring at you with wolf eyes.” Elena giggled. “I think they were doing that from the moment I stepped into the room.” “They're just not used to seeing little princesses like you in those meetings.” “This business of calling me princess is starting to get old.” “But you like it, don't you?” “How can you be so sure?” “I can tell.” “What’s the matter? Are you trying to pick me up? You know I'm married.” Martina grabbed her chin and looked into her eyes. “You have to make up your mind, princess. Who do you want to be, a married lady or a sadomasochistic lesbian?” Elena shook her head to get free. “A sadomasochistic lesbian, then,” she said, looking at Martina with what she wanted to be an insolent expression. “Well, then don't tell me that story about being married, damn it! We're just talking nicely, like sadomasochistic lesbians, right? Don't complicate things!” “Okay, let's talk about lesbianism, then. Are you dating a girl?” “I have several friends who let me tie them up, spank them and eat their pussy… But I don't call anybody my girlfriend. I don’t like to be in a formal couple. How about you? Have you ever cheated on your husband with a woman?” “Of course I have.” “With a girl as pretty as you?” “Yes, she is very pretty, although she doesn’t look like me at all.” “So, I have a tough competition.” Elena laughed, amazed at her boldness. “Hey, what are you up to? Are you hitting on me? I know you like me; you've made it plenty clear. But I don't like you.” “Of course! No one likes the fatso of Martina," she said without any bitterness. "I've heard it a thousand times… And yet, many end up falling for me. I can't explain it.” “Well, I'm not going to fall for you. So get used to that.” Martina shrugged. “No problem. I am happy. Here I am, having a beer with a beautiful blonde who is smart and tells me amazing things. That already is quite an experience.” “I'm glad you see it that way. I also like talking to you.” They brought them the beers. Martina took a long sip of hers. Elena drank hers slowly. The guy had finished killing aliens, so now the radio could be heard. A Dire Straits song that she knew: Six Blade Knife. Martina took her wallet out of her leather jacket. She left two bills on the bar and picked up a third, a green bill of one thousand pesetas. She held it out in front of her face. “I'll give you a thousand pesetas for your panties.” She choked on the beer, spitting it in a stream that just missed Martina's leg. “You are crazy!” she said hoarsely when she finished coughing. “I'm completely serious,” she said, waving the bill. “Quite likely, we won't see each other again. I want to have a souvenir of you.” “And it has to be my panties!” "Well, as you can imagine, I have weird tastes." They weren't all that weird. Elena had once played a similar game. She could see the desire in Martina's eyes. The same compelling desire that she had felt at that time. It touched her to feel wanted. “I understand. I've also played that game once. But I don't need your money.” “That's the problem with you rich chicks. You don't need anything.” The song Six Blade Knife gave her an idea. “Well, there is something of yours that I would like to have. Your knife.” Martina raised her eyebrows and slowly nodded her head. She pushed away her leather jacket and ran her hand over the hunting knife she wore hanging from her belt. “My knife! That’s fucked up! You know how to go straight for the jugular, don’t you? Just so you know, baby, this knife is worth much more than a thousand pesetas.” “What did you think, that I was going to settle for any trinket? If you want something from me, it will cost you.” “You don't understand. This is not just a knife. It says who I am. It is my identity.” “I’ve noticed. That's why I want it. I also want a souvenir of you.” “Besides, he has its history… Let's just say that it has sentimental value for me.” “Well, so do my panties. Isn't that why you want them?” Martina frowned, doubtful. At last, she seemed to come to a decision. “Okay, my knife in exchange for your panties. But you have to let me take them from you.” Elena didn't know if she was flattered or suspicious. “Here? In the middle of the bar?” “In the toilets… Make up your mind, princess? Deal or no deal?” Her heart was beating fast. What kind of adventure had she gotten into? But, after all that haggling, she was going to look like a fool if she backed down. “Okay, deal.” “Well, then go to the toilets and wait for me there. Don't latch the door. I'll be there in a couple of minutes.” She picked up her bag and her jacket with a determination and headed to the ladies' room. It was a tiny, smelly little room with neon lighting, a sink and a toilet. She put her coat and bag on the floor and closed the door without latching it. She hugged herself nervously, looking at herself in the faded mirror. Was she doing something crazy? Could she trust Martina? After all, she didn't know her at all. What if she hurt her? No, that was unlikely… But she surely could take advantage of her. Clearly, Marina liked her. And she knew how to handle women. But the prospect of Martina using her for her own pleasure did not scare her. On the contrary, it turned her on. And the fact that she didn’t find Martina attractive made her even more horny. She could hear the pounding of her heart in her ears. She rubbed her arms, though she really wasn't cold. Martina came into the bathroom. She closed the door behind her and bolted it. Elena took a step back. “What's up, princess? Are you going to chicken out?” “No.” “If you want, we can pretend that it was a joke and leave it at that. I keep my knife and you your panties.” Elena looked at her defiantly. “If you think this is a rotten deal, keep your knife. But don’t blame it on me.” “Fine. But we're going to do it my way.” “And what is your way?” “Lift your skirt.” Elena did as she asked. She saw Martina's eyes linger on her shapely knees and her white thighs as she hiked up her skirt. The edge of the fabric reached her crotch. Martina could now appreciate her black lace panties, so thin that you could see the hair of her pussy. But Martina was not easily satisfied. “Higher. All the way to your waist!” she demanded. “That's it!” Martina dropped to one knee in front of her and calmly inspected her, apparently determined to get the most for the price she was paying for the show. Elena didn't dare to rush her, feeling her pulse quicken and moisture invading her crotch. Finally, Martina brought her face closer to her belly, hooked her fingers under the black lace at her waist, and slowly lowered her panties. First, her smooth belly was revealed. Then the hair on her pubis. Martina pulled her panties down her thighs, past her knees, until they were at her ankles. A thorough lowering of panties. With all the required ceremony. She lifted one foot, then the other, to allow Martina to remove the garment from her shoes. When Martina had them in her hands, she focused on carefully inspecting her panties, appreciating the roughness of the lace between her fingers, stretching them to check their transparency, sniffing the crotch. Elena watched her, fascinated. Martina didn't seem to be in any hurry to get up. There she was, on one knee on the ground, splitting her attention between her panties and the nakedness of her pussy. She wondered how she should react if Martina touched her. Whether she should protest, drop her skirt and step back. Or let her do it and look like a slut. But Martina did not touch her. Looking at her, perhaps smelling her, seemed to be enough. “You have a pretty pussy, princess,” she finally said. “Blonde… You don’t dye your hair.” “With all those romantic compliments, you're going to melt me away,” she said sarcastically. Martina stuffed her panties into her pocket and slowly got up. There was strength and deliberation in her movements. “You think you're funny, don't you babe?” She was staring at her. Elena stepped back and let her skirt fall. “Did I tell you that you could lower your skirt, hum? Did I give you permission?” Elena shook her head, flustered. “So come on, then! Get it back up! Now!” Elena grabbed her skirt and pulled it back up to her waist. Something inside her searched for the words to say enough, that the game had gone too far. But a stronger part of herself wanted to keep playing it. Martina took a step towards her. “And now I suppose you'll want my knife… Very well, here it is.” She released the strap that held it in its sheath and took it out, pointing the blade at her belly. “Don't you even think about dropping your skirt until I tell you. Understood?” Elena nodded and took another step back. Her back hit the wall. “I'm going to show you why this knife has so much sentimental value to me. This is what I like to do to my girls.” She lowered the knife, placing the point gently on the inside of her knee. Then Elena realized what Martina was going to do to her, and knowing it made her feel even more afraid. She felt paralyzed. Martina's stocky body was barely a few inches from hers, her back pressed against the wall. The edge of the knife ran along the inside of one thigh first, then the other, leaving what she guessed were thin white lines, bloodless but painful enough to make her tense up and clench her fists on her skirt, which now she found impossible to release. The knife tickled her pubic hairs. An icy, steely edge parted her labia and wedged itself between them, pressing up, sliding back until its tip dug into the wall behind her butt. Its sharp edge now threatened her from her anus to her clit, pressing upward slowly but inexorably, until her terror forced her onto her toes, her legs tensing from buttocks to toes. “Will you kiss me?” asked Martina, as if nothing was happening. Elena nodded quickly many times. Martina's lips touched hers, but she barely felt them. Her tongue slipped into her mouth, and she let it in, hardly paying any attention, her entire attention focused on the cold, sharp blade that threatened to split her body in two at the slightest movement. Martina's hand grabbed her ass, caressing her soft skin, squeezing her buttocks, but all her concern was not to drop her weight on the sharp steel. Her calves ached from standing on her toes. She felt her legs becoming weaker. The thought that at any moment her strength would fail her, and that she would fall on the edge of her knife, filled her with terror. “Stop, please! I can’t stand it anymore!” Martina released her. Her knife left her pussy. She dropped back on her heels to ease the excruciating strain in her calves. She leaned her head on the wall and closed her eyes, trying fighting to catch her breath. “You may lower your skirt now, princess.” She had forgotten that she was still holding the skirt up to her waist. When she opened her hands to let it fall, her fingers ached from clenching her fists. She was dizzy. Martina hugged her, gently stroking her hair. Leaning on her was like falling on a solid heap of welcoming flesh. The fact that Martina was fat and ugly was no longer important, because she had satisfied her desire to experience violence, to feel victimized. She had conquered her and now she wanted nothing more than to abandon herself to her. Martina released her. She held the knife by the blade, offering her the hilt. “Here, take it! Don’t be afraid. It's yours, you've earned it.” Elena took the knife reluctantly. It felt solid and heavy. Martina unfastened her belt, removed it from the loops of her jeans. Elena thought that she was going to hit her with it, but Martina just took the sheath of her knife out and offered it to her. She fastened her belt again. That's all? You aren’t going to do anything else to me? Are you going to leave me like this? Without her panties, she felt naked and vulnerable. The knife had left her pussy open and soaked. “You'd better put the knife in your bag. If you hold it in your hand, people at the bar are going to will think that you're mugging them.” Elena agreed. She sheathed the knife, picked up her bag from the floor and put it inside. Martina caressed her cheek. “I'll wait for you at the bar.” Elena looked at herself in the mirror, fixing her hair with her fingers. Her skirt was wrinkled. She smoothed it out. On a sudden impulse, she pulled it up. She inspected her pussy. She slipped her fingers between her labia, expecting to find blood. Nothing. There was no trace of the sharpness of the knife, just heat and wetness and an intense desire to rub her clit until she came, right there! But, if she made Martina wait, she would guess that she had been playing with herself. She didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of knowing to what extent she had turned her on. So she picked up her bag and left the restroom. Martina was waiting for her at one of the tables along the wall. She had brought there two beers and a wedge of Spanish tortilla. “Are you alright, princess?” “Yes.” Martina offered her a glass of beer. Elena downed it in one gulp. Her throat was parched. She found the bitterness of the beer quite comforting. “Come on, eat! You must be hungry.” Elena cut a piece of the tortilla with her fork and ate it. It was good. It was true, she was hungry. “You got a little scared in there, huh?” “Yes. Quite a bit.” “But you liked it.” “You went way too far, Martina! At the very least, you should have asked my permission before doing that with the knife.” “Oh, but I never ask permission. That would have spoiled everything. A few times I have had to ask for forgiveness. But permission, never!” “So, are you going to apologize to me?” Martina grabbed her chin and glared into her eyes. “Apologize? For giving you what you wanted? Are you fucking kidding me, baby? I know you already. At least, have the honesty to admit that yes, you enjoyed it.” “Yes, I liked it, Martina,” she told her meekly. “You are a very good dominant.” “That's much better!” “You had me completely in your hands. You could have done to me anything you wanted.” “You are such a slut, little princess! Yes, I know that I left you wanting. That’s good. That way, you'll come back for more.” That made her rebel. “Now, look here, Martina! You may be a good dominant, but you're not the only one. I have people who love me, who respect me, and who know how to satisfy my needs. I don't need you.” “Yes, I know. But, precisely because they love you, they can't give you what I can.” “You know what? You are arrogant and shameless! I don't have to put up with you rudeness. You should thank me for letting you enjoy me!” “The arrogant one is you, baby! You are the one who brags about being rich, smart and sexy. One of these days I'm going to bring you down a notch or two. And you’ll thank me for it!” She didn't know which was worse, that she irritated her so much or that she turned her on so much. She had no doubt that, if she fell into her hands, Martina was capable of bringing her down and turning her into the most docile of her servants. That tempted and scared her at the same time. She opened her bag, took out her wallet and put five hundred pesetas on the table. “I’m leaving. Here you go. I’m paying for the beer and the tortilla.” “Good idea, go home. Elena, it has been a real pleasure meeting you!” She extended her hand across the table. Elena looked for any sign of mockery on her face, but Martina's expression was honest and kind. She shook her hand. She got up, grabbed her bag, and headed for the door. Another guy was killing aliens at the video game, raising one hell of a ruckus. “Hey, princess!” she heard Martina calling her above the din. She turned to look at her. “Forgive me, baby!” She was smiling at her, waving goodbye with a handkerchief. Only it wasn't a handkerchief. It was her panties. She stormed out of the door. Note: Before you try to repeat this scene and end up cutting your girlfriend in the crotch, there is something you should know. Martina's knife, like almost all hunting knives, has an edge only on one side of the blade. It was the other edge, the blunt one, that Martina inserted into Elena's pussy, so there was never any danger of cutting it. Since Martina first scratched Elena's thighs with the sharp edge, she was convinced that what she felt was the sharp edge. The illusion was maintained until the end. This is called mind-fucking.

Can mind-fucking trigger flashbacks, break consent or induce learned helplessness? Safety Establishing when mind-fucking in BDSM is safe, sane and consensual can be particularly tricky. While these things are pretty clear when it comes to physical activities like impact play or bondage, when we deal with metal stuff, we are on mushy territory. What is perfectly okay for one person could be traumatic for another. Mind-fucking presents unique challenges and safety issues that should not be taken lightly. If things go wrong, it can produce a great deal of emotional harm. While physical damage usually heals, emotional damage can last a lifetime. The main danger is to awake old trauma by hitting emotional landmines. These are triggers that cause the submissive to flash back to traumatic or abusive situations. Often, the submissive is not aware of what those triggers are, so they cannot be tagged as limits during the negotiation of the scene. In the hypersensitive state induced by mind-fucking, anything can become a trigger: a certain act, a phrase, an object, clothing, etc. Should people with psychological trauma do mind-fucking? People with a history of abuse and psychological trauma would do best to refrain from undergoing mind-fucking. At least, they should proceed gradually, with mind-fucking sessions that are short and mild. Even people without a history of trauma should be mindful of the effects that mind-fucking is having on them, not just during the scene, but in their emotional life afterwards. Are they becoming more resilient or more sensitive? Are they acquiring a docility that is sapping into their professional and social lives? All this places a big responsibility on the dominant who does the mind-fucking. The dominant has to be fully empathic with the submissive, constantly reading their state of mind. Mind-fucking can and elicit completely unexpected responses from the submissive. The dominant has to be ready to stop the mind-fucking and bring the submissive back to reality when there are signs of trouble. Consent According to Planned Parenthood, consent should be freely given, reversible, informed, enthusiastic and specific (remembered with the acronym FRIES). Mind-fucking presents some problems concerning ‘informed’ and ‘specific’ because they would require that the submissive is fully informed of anything that will happen in the scene. But, since mind-fucking is often based on deception, providing some of this information would give away the game. Since mind-fucking is negotiated without the submissive knowing what is going to happen, it could be considered to involve a certain amount of consensual non-consent (CNC), because submissives have to give blanket consent about things they don’t know about. However, this is not necessarily true since the submissive still has the ability to set up limits about what may and may not be included in the mind-fucking. Submissives should be informed that the scene will include surprises, tricks, misinformation and lies. They can still give a list of limits, which should be discussed in terms of emotional boundaries. It is highly advisable to use a safeword that the submissive can use in case his or her emotional distress become overwhelming. Still, safewords are not completely reliable in mind-fucking because, to use them, the bottom has to know what is going on, and that is often not the case. This doesn’t mean that safewords are useless. Together with negotiation and limits, they should be considered as layers of protection. Negotiation should focus on any triggers, emotional landmines and past trauma of the submissive. Consent is not valid if the submissive has a warped view of reality. This means that the submissive needs to be brought out of mind fucking before negotiating the next scene. This is why I think that prolonged mind-fucking (lasting several days) present ethical problems. The ability of the submissive to withdraw consent may be compromised. It could be ethical in a consensual non-consent set up. Still, there are concerns regarding learned helplessness that I will discuss below. For the dominant, mind control can be a tremendous power trip and a temptation for abuse. Even when the dominant has the best intentions, he may lapse into emotional abuse out of ignorance. The dominant should do some introspection on his or her motives to engage in mind-fucking, considering how it would feel if it was done to them. Some reading on psychological abuse and emotional well-being can be of help. Any deception should be disclosed at the end of the scene to fully rescue the submissive from any remaining state of confusion - see the section on aftercare below. Here are some of the problems that may happen with a mind-fucking scene. Panic attacks A panic attack is a state of severe emotional distress often accompanied by difficulty in breathing, uncontrolled movements, exaggerated reactions and inability to speak. In another article, I explored panic attacks in BDSM and how to deal with them. If the submissive had panic attacks in the past, he or she should explain to the dominant how they happened and what are the possible triggers. They should plan what to do if they happen. However, panic attacks may occur even in people who have not experienced them before. Mind-fucking creates a state of emotional sensitivity that they may have not experienced before. Freezing Freezing behavior is a stress reaction present in many animals that consists of becoming unable to move. It’s not a real paralysis. Rather, it is felt as a deep aversion to move or say anything. In the most extreme case, the person feels a block, an inability to decide how to move. Its evolutionary origin is to hide and camouflage an animal that is being stalked by a predator. Freezing is different from ‘tonic immobility’, which happens when an animal has been caught by a predator and gives up struggling and trying to escape. It is also different from fainting, which is a ‘vasovagal syncope’ triggered by strong emotions, physical stress, visceral pain and blood loss (Carli and Farabollini, 2021). Freezing is the opposite of the fight-flight reaction, although both are responses to stress and fear. Freezing activates the parasympathetic system and decreases heart rate, whereas fight/flight activates the sympathetic system and releases adrenaline into the blood, which increases the heart rate (Roelofs, 2017). Freezing is not very useful in humans, since it prevents reacting to imminent danger and communicating. When freezing, people stop whatever they are doing and become immobile and unresponsive. They cannot say a safeword, much less explain what is happening to them. Freezing may signal an imminent panic attack, especially if it’s accompanied by difficulty in breathing. This should be taken seriously and the scene stopped. However, freezing is not always a bad thing. It is mediated by a neural pathway linking pain pathways in the parabrachial nucleus with the amygdala - the fear center - (Sato et al., 2015) and the amygdala with the periaqueductal gray (PAG) (Roelofs, 2017), which is the beginning of the neural pathway that releases endorphins to inhibit pain. Different parts of the PAG are involved in fight/flight and freezing (Morgan et al., 1998; McDannald, 2010). Hence, freezing may be a precursor to the endorphin sub-space. However, freezing is different from sub space. A frozen person tends to be rigid and dead-silent, while a person in sub-space is relaxed and makes incoherent sounds. Freezing happens in mind-fucking when the stimulation or the task that the submissive is doing becomes overwhelming. Strong emotions, like fear, pain and shame, can trigger freezing. The mind becomes unable to perform the task or process the stimuli and shuts down. Freezing is easy to detect in mind-fucking scenes that involve the active participation of the submissive, like mental games, humiliating or impossible tasks, and humor. If the submissive stops doing the task, then something is wrong. When the submissives play a passive role, like in deception games or predicaments, the dominant needs to pay constant attention to them to see if they go into freezing. Learned helplessness Learned helplessness occurs when an animal is repeatedly exposed to an aversive stimulus over which it has no control. The usual aversive stimulus is an electric shock, which is unpleasant but not painful - think of the shock you get when you touch your car after acquiring a static charge. Much less painful than the Violet Wand used in BDSM, for sure. The initial experiments on learned helplessness were conducted by Martin Seligman in 1967 on dogs (Seligman, 1972). However, most subsequent studies were done in rats and mice. In the basic experiment, animals are tested in ‘yoked pairs’, which means that both animals receive shocks of the same intensity and duration. The only difference is that one of the animals can press a lever to stop the shock when a warning light or sound announces that it’s coming, while the other animal has no control and hence it is subjected to the whims of the first animal. This second animal develops learned helplessness, which consists in that it learns not to try to avoid unpleasant stimuli. Even when placed in a setting different from the first one in which is easy to escape the nasty sensation, the animal doesn’t try to do it. Importantly, animals with learned helplessness showed a decline in their ability to learn. This would be a great idea for a mind-fucking experiment, wouldn’t it? We would have two yoked submissives. One decides what implement they are going to be hit with, and how hard. The other gets the same strokes as the first, but has no control. Clearly, the second submissive would be mind-fucked by both the dominant and the first submissive, who may decide to get some particularly nasty spanks just to see the second submissive getting them. The learned helplessness studies were interpreted as meaning that the control that an animal has over its environment is key to determine its mental state and its ability to learn. Some scientists thought that this could be a model for depression or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), which would be triggered when people have to deal with working or social environments over which they had no control. The modern view is that the helplessness is not learned, but the default mode (Maier and Seligman, 2016). Aversive stimuli cause passivity in the animal, which is mediated by serotonin-releasing neurons in the dorsal raphe nucleus (Maier and Watkins, 2005). Helplessness is already there; what the animal actually learns is that it has control over the noxious stimulus, and this motivates the animal to escape it. The realization of having control causes an inhibition of the dorsal raphe by the ventromedial prefrontal cortex, an area of the brain involved in decision-making. Learned helplessness does happen in humans, but cognitive processes in the prefrontal cortex play a more important role than in animals. Seligman performed a study in college students with and without depression (Klein et al., 1976). While unsolvable problems caused learning deficits in both groups of students, attributing the failure to the difficulty of the problem instead of the student’s incompetence eliminated this deficit. A more recent study (Taylor et al., 2014) indicated that activating the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex with transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) reversed the cognitive and motivational deficits produced by lack of control over an aversive stimulus. Evaluating the experience of helplessness afterwards reverses its effects (Cemalcilar et al., 2003), perhaps the most crucial fact to keep in mind when considering whether mind-fucking induces learned helplessness. Does mind-fucking induce learned helplessness? If this were true, it would bring into question the psychological safety of mind-fucking. The objective of mind-fucking is to induce a state of defeat and surrender in the submissive, which is precisely what learned helplessness does. Certainly, during mind-fucking the bottom experiences loss of control and is subjected to aversive stimuli like spankings or bondage. In other BDSM activities, the ability of the bottom to stop the scene and the presence of limits provide a measure of control, but in mind-fucking the loss of control is the objective of the scene. Could mind-fucking trigger depression in submissives? Could this explain the depressive sub-drop that occurs a couple of days after a BDSM scene? Much as I like mind-fucking, all these scientific studies indicate that it may trigger learned helplessness if we are not careful. This may happen with repeated mind-fucking that constantly puts the submissive in a state of defeat and lack of control. However, humans have a sophisticated control of the prefrontal cortex over the dorsal raphe nucleus, which mediates learned helplessness. What this means is that the emotional, social and cognitive context in which a scene happens makes a huge difference. Just like we can immerse ourselves in a story or a movie that is enormously upsetting, we can be in a challenging BDSM scene and emerge unscathed. Aftercare and truth reveal Mind-fucking should not be allowed to create bad emotional habits of being defeated and subjugated. At some point, the submissive has to be allowed to reclaim his or her self-esteem. This can be done by processing the mind-fucking scene in such a way that it gives back control to the submissive and allows the scene to be registered as a win. This means that mind-fucking requires a special type of aftercare whose objective is to restore the submissive’s sense of reality, emotional stability and self-esteem. This involves revealing whatever deception was involved in the mind-fucking, especially if it was something that led the submissive to failure or embarrassment. The submissives should feel good about themselves, because they were ordered to do something difficult or impossible, or to withstand very harsh conditions. This is also the time to analyze things that the submissive could have discovered about himself during the scene, and anything that could be healing and transformative. The dominant should praise the submissive and emphasize the positive elements of the scene. One of the best thing they could do is to have a good laugh about what happened. Resiliency Repeated mind-fucking followed by fully regain of control and disclosure of the deception could create resiliency towards further mind-fucking and build emotional stability to deal with life challenges. This is similar to the way we use the stories in novels and movies as training for life stressors. Since the dawn of our species, humans have used stories for learning and to build resilience to stress. Think of the scary stories we were told as children. How they terrified us at first, and then we gradually became immune to the fear elicited by our own imagination. Not only that, but we started to crave the adrenaline rush that they give us. Similarly, mind-fucking is a simulacrum of emotional abuse that help us build up resilience for when people are mean to us and try to destroy our sense of reality. Conclusions Consent to mind-fucking does not require that the submissive is fully informed of everything that is going to happen in the scene, but it still requires negotiation to set up limits and a safeword. Negotiating mind-fucking should not be done while deception and mind-fucking is taking place. A mind-fucking scene it needs to have a clear beginning and ending. The possibility that the bottom would suffer a panic attack during mind-fucking should be considered. The procedure to follow should be discussed beforehand by the top and the bottom. Freezing behavior in the bottom should be taken as a warning sign of an impending panic attack. During aftercare, the deceptions involved in the mind-fucking need to be fully disclosed. The emotional reactions of the submissives during mind-fucking need to be processed in order for them to be fully rescued from any damage to their self-esteem and emotional integrity. With these precautions, it is likely that learned helplessness can be avoided. Despite these caveats and dangers, mind-fucking can be a fun and healthy BDSM activity. It can increase the resilience of the bottom towards life stresses. References Carli G, Farabollini F (2021) Cardiovascular correlates of human emotional vasovagal syncope differ from those of animal freezing and tonic immobility. Physiology & behavior 238:113463. Cemalcilar Z, Canbeyli R, Sunar D (2003) Learned helplessness, therapy, and personality traits: an experimental study. J Soc Psychol 143:65-81. Klein DC, Fencil-Morse E, Seligman ME (1976) Learned helplessness, depression, and the attribution of failure. Journal of personality and social psychology 33:508-516. Maier SF, Watkins LR (2005) Stressor controllability and learned helplessness: the roles of the dorsal raphe nucleus, serotonin, and corticotropin-releasing factor. Neurosci Biobehav Rev 29:829-841. Maier SF, Seligman ME (2016) Learned helplessness at fifty: Insights from neuroscience. Psychol Rev 123:349-367. McDannald MA (2010) Contributions of the amygdala central nucleus and ventrolateral periaqueductal grey to freezing and instrumental suppression in Pavlovian fear conditioning. Behav Brain Res 211:111-117. Morgan MM, Whitney PK, Gold MS (1998) Immobility and flight associated with antinociception produced by activation of the ventral and lateral/dorsal regions of the rat periaqueductal gray. Brain Research 804:159-166. Roelofs K (2017) Freeze for action: neurobiological mechanisms in animal and human freezing. Philos Trans R Soc Lond B Biol Sci 372. Sato M, Ito M, Nagase M, Sugimura YK, Takahashi Y, Watabe AM, Kato F (2015) The lateral parabrachial nucleus is actively involved in the acquisition of fear memory in mice. Molecular brain 8:22. Seligman ME (1972) Learned helplessness. Annual review of medicine 23:407-412. Taylor JJ, Neitzke DJ, Khouri G, Borckardt JJ, Acierno R, Tuerk PW, Schmidt M, George MS (2014) A pilot study to investigate the induction and manipulation of learned helplessness in healthy adults. Psychiatry research 219:631-637.

How a dominant messes with the mind of the submissive in BDSM What is mind-fucking? You may have heard the expression ‘mind-fucking’ and wonder what it is. Maybe you are turned off by its obscene name. However, it has become commonly accepted. It uniquely describes well-established practices in interrogation techniques, the writing of novels and movies, the abuse of people under the influence of drugs and in BDSM. Many instances of mind-fucking are unethical. It can be a form of psychological torture, or a way to manipulate people in abusive relationships or cults. But it also can be used in a playful way for entertainment in performances, novels and movies. I would define mind-fucking as a psychological manipulation that uses deception, confusion, sensory overload, pranks, predicaments and exhausting tasks to alter a person’s sense of reality. Gaslighting is a particular form of mind-fucking in which somebody is driven to question their sense of reality or their sanity through lies or misinformation, with the goal of emotionally abusing or manipulating them. Mind-fucking and spirituality Mind-fucking is used by some mystical schools as a way to force the mind of the student out of its habitual way of thinking and into new insights, even illumination. This is particularly true in Zen Buddhism. The Rinzai school of Zen uses koans: questions that do not have a logical answer, usually embedded in a shocking story. The koan is handed down by a Zen teacher to the student, who has to meditate on it for hours on end. In sesshins (Zen retreats), each student has a private meeting with the teacher (‘roshi’) during the early morning meditation. The teacher will demand an answer to the koan, and can become quite confrontational if the student is not able to provide one. In these private meetings, the teacher plays tricks with the mind of the student that can well be considered mind-fucking. The objective is to shock the student into a new understanding, at the same time that he is prodded to put more effort into the resolution of his koan. While I was doing a Zen sesshin in a beautiful monastery in the mountains of upstate New York, I was offered the koan mu - the most famous of all koans - by Eido Shimano Roshi. Many of his students meditated on mu. They would sit by the lake at night chanting mu out loud. There was so much power in their voices that it gave me goosebumps. It seemed that the monastery was surrounded by a herd of crazy cows. I had been practicing Soto Zen, without koans, for many years, so I turned down the offer of the roshi, something that I have always regretted. Zen stories about the interaction between teachers and student have examples of impossible task, predicaments and misdirection similar to those used in BDSM. There is mind-fucking in other schools of mysticism. That's why it's so common in cults. Like in BDSM, there is a blurry line between healthy exploration and abuse. Mind-fucking in BDSM In BDSM, mind-fucking consists of mental games that the dominant plays on the submissive to weave a collective fantasy that brings the submissive to a state of defeat and surrender. It should always be done with the full consent of the submissive and in such a way that it does not harm his or her physical and mental safety. Mild mind-fucking plays a role in many BDSM scenes and is quite safe. However, elaborated and prolonged mind-fucking that affects the psychology of the submissive should be considered edge play and done with extreme caution. BDSM encompasses bondage, dominance-submission and sadomasochism. Mind-fucking is more often done in dominance-submission, but it can also be part of sadomasochism and bondage. In these last two cases, the participants should be called ‘top’ and ‘bottom.’ However, I will refer to them as ‘dominant’ and ‘submissive’ throughout this article for simplicity. I consider mind-fucking one of the most difficult things to do in BDSM, because it requires an enormous creativity and intimate knowledge of the submissive from the dominant. Mind-fucking is not so much something that the dominant does to the submissive as something that they create together. Without the willful collaboration of the submissive, the entire process would fail. No matter how skillful the dominant, it is impossible for him to mind-fuck the submissive if he or she doesn’t surrender or lacks the discipline to cooperate. Why do mind-fucking? You may wonder why anybody would want to be mentally manipulated by another person. Playing tricks on the mind of the submissive may be a power trip for the dominant, but why would the submissive agree to that? Do dominants use the commitment of submissives to obey them to force them to undergo mind-fucking? In fact, it’s quite the opposite. The motivation to do mind-fucking often comes from the submissives. Here are some of their reasons: Submissives want to be taken into a separate reality in which the power of the dominant becomes all-encompassing and they experience a deepest state of submission. Many submissives explain that they have hyperactive minds that never shut down, which can be accomplished with a good mind-fuck. They also may have a powerful ego and self-importance, which are defeated by the mind-fuck. This brings a paradoxical feeling of liberation and peacefulness. A good mind-fuck can also induce catharsis: an experience of emotional cleansing in which bottled-up emotions and trauma are released as crying, laughing or screaming. Mind-fucking can be a way to induce sub-space, an altered state of consciousness in which submissives feel euphoric, relaxed and peaceful. For some experienced submissives, mind-fucking is a path of self-discovery, healing and transformation. Mind-fucking brings out hidden emotional habits and defenses of the ego that need to be understood and managed. For dominants, mind-fucking is without doubt a power trip, but they also want to give submissives a nice experience and help them achieve catharsis, healing and self-discovery. Does mind-fucking induce sub-space? We should not take it for granted that mind-fucking will induce sub-space, at least not the sub-space that is mediated by endorphins and feels relaxed and floaty. This type of sub-space requires that the submissive becomes passive, while most mind-fucking games actively engage the submissives by demanding them to take decisions, imagine what will happen next, guess what the dominant is up to, or perform an intellectual task. Still, these activities may induce a different type of sub-space in which pain is inhibited by norepinephrine released and the brain accompanied by an increase of adrenaline in the blood. This sub-space is characterized by an increased alertness and feelings of fear and surprise. Unlike other BDSM activities, mind-fucking may not even inhibit pain, but increase it. The submissive may become more sensitive and emotionally fragile, instead of less. In fact, this could be one of the goals of the mind-fuck. However, mind-fucking may serve as a first step to break some barriers to the induction of the endorphin type of sub-space. As I mentioned before, many submissives are too uptight, concerned about their image or have hyperactive minds. A mind-fuck at the beginning of a scene could wear down their minds and get them to let go. Next, I am going to describe some strategies that can be used for mind-fucking in BDSM. Deception games Websites like Ontario Kink, Fetish.com, Kinky Craft and Kinky World describe mind-fucking as a deception game in which the dominant makes the submissive believe that something is happening to her/him. An example offered in many of these sites is to make the submissive believe that she is being branded with a hot iron. A branding iron in hot embers is on display. The submissive is blindfolded and her skin is touched with ice, perhaps while the branding iron is dipped in water to make a hissing sound. The submissive screams in pain, thinking that she just has been branded. I’m not sure if this can actually work out. Branding is one of the most extreme forms of edge play, so it would be unethical to do it without the submissive’s consent. And that is the kind of consent that needs to be fully informed and mulled over for a long time, because branding is permanent. Besides, pain from cold is quite different from pain from burning. Still, I’m ready to believe that some people are suggestible to this extreme. Other deception can be pretend knife play, using a blunt knife instead of the sharp, scary knife previously shown to the submissive. A warm, viscous liquid can be used to fake that the submissive is bleeding, either with the bottom blindfolded or adding red color for effect. The dominant can also pretend to be angry, disappointed, cruel or sadistic, just to scare the submissive. Vague threats Another mind-fuck that is often mentioned are unspecified threats, such as telling submissives that they are going to be punished in the worst possible way. They are not told what the actual punishment would be, so that their overactive imagination starts churning out ideas about what would happen to them. Sometimes, a vague description of the punishment can be put forward to give starting material to the submissive mind. For example, the dominant could say that they would be punished with “painful bondage” or “horrible sex.” These should not be empty threats, however, because then the submissive will learn not to trust the dominant. But it’s okay if the actual punishment is much less harsh than what the submissive imagined. Then the submissive’s imagination can be blamed. After all, the dominant never actually said what the punishment would be like. Sensory overstimulation and illusions Another form of mind-fucking that is frequently mentioned are threatening noises, like the crack of the belt on the floor around a naked and blindfolded submissive. In my experience, a mild game that can induce a strong sub-space is when a naked submissive, tied-up and blindfolded, is touched by multiple people. Multiple tactile stimuli and trying to keep up what goes on in different parts of the body soon leads to sensory overload. An additional mind-fuck is not knowing who is touching you. As I said before, some people use ice to create the illusion of a burn, but I have my doubts about how effective this is. A much clever way to simulate a burn is to use capsaicin, the compound that makes peppers hot. Capsaicin activates heat receptors, so what would normally feel like mild heat now feels like a burn. There is no actual damage to the skin, but the sensation can go from mild to extremely painful, depending on how much capsaicin is used. On the other end of the spectrum, there is sensory deprivation. Combining a good blindfold with earplugs and enveloping the body in something that provides neutral touch can lead to an altered state of consciousness characterized by daydreaming and loss of the sense of reality. Coming out of that state, a person becomes extremely sensitive and emotionally vulnerable. Humiliation games and embarrassing tasks Shame is a powerful emotion that can be used for mind-fucking. There are plenty of social taboos, like public nudity and sexual arousal, that can be used to mess with somebody’s mind. Here are a few examples: A woman wearing a skirt is made to take off her panties in a public place. Or her panties are pushed down to the top of her thighs and she has to walk around like that. A man is made to put on lipstick and wear it in public. Wearing a butt plug in public. Wearing a vibrator that the top can turn on and off at will. A shy submissive is ordered to sign a song or tell an embarrassing joke. Wearing ridiculous clothes, or garments that are too sexy or revealing. Wearing bunny ears, dog ears or a tail. Being led on a collar and a leash. These are things that are better done at a kinky party or in a similar safe environment. Submissives should not be put in situations that would damage their social or professional images. Also, exposing bystanders to your kinky games is considered a violation of their consent. Things that you do to your partner in public may be triggering to somebody else. Keep in mind that strangers do not have the means to distinguish a kinky game from abuse. Trust games The bottom is put in a vulnerable position in which he or she has to trust the top for protection. The vulnerability can come from danger or embarrassment that is perceived, but not real. An easy way to induce vulnerability is to blindfold somebody in an unknown place. Then, the submissive has to rely on the top for guidance. A nasty twist would be for the top to describe something about their surrounding that is not true, guiding the bottom into an alternate reality full of perceived dangers or rewards. For example, dominants can tell submissives that everybody is staring at them, or that the laugher that they hear is about them. Or he can say that somebody sexually desirable is looking at them with lust. Mental games This type of games consist in giving the submissive a mental task to keep him or her from thinking about anything else. This helps bottoms who cannot shut off their hyperactive minds or who criticize the top inside their heads. To focus the attention of the submissive, there is a penalty to be paid immediately for failing at the mental task. Here is an example. The submissive has to count the strokes of a paddle, backwards from 100 by sevens (serial sevens). The results are 93-86-79-72-65-58-51-44-37-30-23-16-9-2, which the dominant can have in a cheat sheet. The paddling will stop when 2 is reached in the count, but any mistake would reset the count back to 100. If the task is performed correctly, the submissive would receive just 14 strokes with the paddle. However, mistakes will considerably prolong the length of the paddling. As the pain increases, the likelihood of making mistakes becomes higher, so this can go on forever and lead the submissive to desperation. To add to the mind-fuck, the submissive perceives the mistakes as a personal failure, and the prolongation of the paddling as a deserved punishment for it. This leads to loss of self-confidence and to a state of defeat. Keep in mind that mental tasks like this would prevent the bottom from going into sub-space, because endorphin release requires a mental attitude of letting go and relaxation. Hence, the bottom will stay vulnerable to pain and even become more sensitive over time. Impossible tasks In the example above, it is often the case that the submissive is completely unable to perform the task. Here, the mind-fuck could consist in the dominant pretending that this is, in fact, an easy task and that there is no reason why the submissive should not be able to do it. The dominant keeps reassuring the submissive by saying ‘you can do it’ and ‘anybody can do this.’ This is an element of gaslighting: the top is being deceitful about how difficult the task is. Other impossible tasks may be to find a well-hidden object, to follow an elaborate ritual, or to clean something that is impossible to clean. The bottom is made to feel like Sisyphus pushing that rock up the mountain. Of course, the submissive may know very well that the task is impossible. Attempting it, anyway, becomes a proof of submission and commitment. This game also teaches submissives to accept failure with grace, which is an emotional block common in people with demanding careers. Humor Humor is a form of mind-fucking that provides an emotional escape from ego-busting and seriousness. Switching over to humor can be a way for the dominant to rescue the submissive from a state of desperation before it becomes too psychologically hurtful. For example, let’s go back to the ‘serial sevens’ exercise that I described above. At some point, it has become clear that the submissive is never going to take the count all the way down to 2. What I would do to switch over to humor is to say: “This is hopeless. I have beaten your butt so badly already that you won’t be able to sit down tomorrow. So, since you are useless at math, with every stroke of the paddle, you are going to tell me one thing that requires sitting down that you won’t be able to do.” Then I might be able to end the paddling after a few more strokes. Still, the joke is on the submissive, so this continues to be a mind-fuck. There is a humiliation element, and the scene is still centered on the submissive and her/his predicament. Predicament A predicament consists of putting the submissive in a situation in which he or she has to choose between two unpleasant outcomes. Sometimes, the choice itself is deceptive, because one of the choices is better than the other but the bottom doesn’t know that. Even more devilish: the choice that appears to be the best turns out to be the worse. Predicaments are psychologically powerful, inasmuch as they give the submissive a choice but, in fact, the submissive is still choosing to hurt themselves. Self-inflicted pain has been found to be a powerful torture mechanism. Here are some examples of physical predicaments: The bottom is made to straddle a bar placed high enough so that he or she has to stand on tiptoes to avoid a painful pressure on the crotch. As their calves get tired, bottoms are forced to choose between the two forms of pain, which keep increasing. Bondage with a rope system that makes the bottom choose between a painful pull of the nipples or a strappado of the arms. Making the bottom choose between two punishments. The more different the punishments, the better. Choosing between sexual pleasure (for example, a vibrator in the crotch) and pain (a pricking object or an uncomfortable position in bondage). The bottom initially chooses the pleasure, but eventually becomes overstimulated and has to endure the pain. Predicaments can also be psychological. For example, having to choose between apologizing or being punished. Deep mind-fucking The key to a good mind-fucking is to find the points of resistance and inner conflicts of the submissive, and gently push against them. Often, the conflict is so strong that just the threat of confronting it will elicit a strong emotional reaction. Keep in mind that these conflicts will be the limits of the submissive, even if he or she doesn’t realize that they are. When a dominant discovers them, the ethical thing to do is to talk to the submissive about them and find out if he or she wants to confront them in a mind-fucking scene. We all have triggers and emotional landmines. Secret fears. Hidden trauma. Things in our past that we haven’t resolved. Dreams that we have given up. Experienced BDSMers may choose to confront them with a trusted dominant in a deep mind-fucking scene. Deep mind-fucking is to engage in a game that would intentionally bring out our demons so that we can exorcise them. Over time, a dominant gains such an intimate knowledge of the submissive bottom that he knows where those demons are. They may have created an intimate space where they feel safe to explore these dangerous corners of the mind. From the outside, it may not look like much: a certain body position, wearing some particular clothes, a pretend game, a phrase pronounced in a special way. Sometimes, it’s the unknown. We know that something is there, lurking in the dark recesses of our mind, but we don’t know what it is. This requires a lot of attention and skill from the dominant. He needs to have a deep empathy with the submissive throughout the scene, pushing and pulling on their emotional strings, ready to bring them out if there are signs of trouble. If successful, this type of scene can lead to self-discovery and self-transformation. Mind-fucking is edge BDSM Except in its milder, short-term forms, mind-fucking should be considered edge play. It should be done after careful negotiation and with good knowledge of the mental health of the submissive or bottom. In the next article, I will explore in detail the issues of consent and safety in mind-fucking. Copyright 2023 Hermes Solenzol.

A list of duties that derive from the ‘safe, sane and consensual’ rules of ethical BDSM Answering a question from a friend new to BDSM, I wrote a quick summary of the responsibilities that a dominant and a submissive have to each other. This was not easy, since there are many types of D/s relationships. Also, there are fundamental differences between relationships in which the participants are ‘in role’ all the time, and the more common case in which the dominant and submissive roles are only adopted temporarily during a scene. The following lists could serve as general guidelines that could apply to most relationships. They are based on the ‘safe, sane and consensual’ rules that delimit BDSM from abuse. Responsibilities of the dominant To know and respect the limits of the submissive (‘consent’). To know and fulfill the fantasies and needs of the submissive. To negotiate the relationship and the scenes with the submissive, establishing limits and a safeword. To create scenes that meet the submissive's needs, and not just your own. To stop the scene and take care of the submissive if he/she says the safeword (‘consent’). The dominant should not retaliate against the submissive for using the safeword. Respect and protect the physical safety of the submissive (‘safe’). Refrain from practices that may cause psychological or emotional harm to the submissive (‘sane’). Do not use mind-fucking or other forms of psychological manipulation, unless the submissive has been fully informed, had an opportunity to freely discuss them and has agreed with them (‘sane’). To provide aftercare to the submissive after the scene. To not unduly interfere with the submissive's life, including her work, financial, family or friendship environment. Do not socially isolate the submissive. Do not spy on, stalk or violate the submissive's privacy. Control your own emotions, avoiding acting as a dominant out of anger, jealousy and other destructive emotions. To take responsibility if something goes wrong in a scene, apologize to the submissive and do everything possible to remedy any hurt done. In case the submissive suffers physical harm, panic attack or any other type of emergency, stay with him or her, helping and doing everything possible to remedy the problem, including seeking help and making an emergency call. If punishments have been agreed upon, use them fairly and in moderation. To respect the privacy, intimacy and reputation of the submissive in conversations with other people. Unless the relationship is full time, to treat the submissive as an equal outside the scene, with respect and kindness. The power of the dominant role should not be used to exploit the submissive. To care for the submissive's health, well-being and happiness. Responsibilities of the submissive To negotiate the relationship and the scenes honestly and in good faith. To tell his/her limits to the dominant. To know his/her BDSM fantasies and needs, and to tell them to the dominant. To be willing to serve and obey the dominant within the established limits, or to face the consequences. To use the safeword when necessary to protect his/her physical and mental safety. The safeword should not be used to manipulate the dominant. To take responsibility if something goes wrong in a scene because of not using the safeword, not making the limits clear, or not negotiating the session well. Do not usurp the dominant's authority by giving instructions during the session (‘topping from bottom’), unless previously agreed. Do not use emotional blackmail, unfounded accusations of abuse, or other forms of manipulation. At the end of the scene, contribute to aftercare and provide feedback to the dominant. To keep destructive emotions such as anger or jealousy at bay, stopping the scene if they become uncontrollable. Unless the relationship is full time, to recognize that, outside the scene, the dominant does not act as such and is not responsible for the submissive, who will be treated as an equal. To not behave as a submissive when the dominant has not agreed to play his role (‘consent’). To not spy on, stalk or violate the privacy of the dominant. If punishments have been agreed upon, to comply with them honestly, using the safeword if the punishment endangers the physical or mental safety. To respect the dominant's work, financial, family and friendship life. To respect the privacy, intimacy and reputation of the dominant in conversations with other people. To care for the dominant's health, well-being, and happiness.