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Groucho’s Punchline

To be or not to be... a prostitute

Man squeezing bottom of woman in underwear
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Excerpt from my novel Games of Love and Kink.

Madrid, Friday July 22, 1977

He was a wealthy guy, you could see that a mile away. He wore a silk shirt, dark blue with a delicate, sawn-in pattern; cream-colored trousers, and brown moccasins. The body underneath those expensive garments spoke of frequents visits to gyms and massage parlors. He was around forty, neatly shaved, with a haircut that looked good despite his receding hairline.

He ordered mullets, purple carabineros shrimp, and a salad. Perhaps not the most expensive items on the menu, but certainly the most delicious.

He hadn’t take his eyes off her from the moment he’d walked into the restaurant.

Now that her brother Luis was not home, she liked to dress sexy for work: a gray miniskirt, sandals, and a see-through beige blouse. The apron covered her legs to the knees on the front but, on the back, you could apprize most of her tan thighs. She liked to show her sexy body. Lucas, her boss, certainly did not complain if she made the place more attractive to the customers.

Soon after serving him the salad, he motioned her to come to his table. Without saying anything, he picked a glass shard from the lettuce. Cecilia took it. It was sharp. It could have meant a trip to the ER if he had swallowed it.

“This totally unacceptable! Somebody should spank the cook!” she joked. “I’ll get you another salad right away, sir!”

“With more tomatoes and a bit less glass, please.”

“Don’t charge him for the salad, of course,” Lucas said when she told him what had happened. “And be nice to him. If he complains again about the glass, we’ll have to give him the rest of the dinner for free. I wonder what they broke in the kitchen.”

“Do you want me to find out?”

“No, I’ll take care of that. We’ll have to look everywhere for more pieces of glass. You take care of the client. Make sure that he doesn’t lack anything.”

She approached the customer and gave him her most charming smile.

“I’ll get you your salad right away, sir! We won’t charge you for it, of course. If you want anything else, just let me know.”

“I will. You are very kind.”

Outside, there was a rumble of thunder and a sudden gust of wind through the trees.

Good! Hopefully, it’ll get cooler.

She went to clean a table that had just been vacated, turning her back to the customer. She leaned over without bending her knees, knowing that this would give him a good view of her legs. Maybe even a glimpse of her panties.

Hopefully, that’ll make him forget about the glass shard. Lucas told me to keep the customer happy, didn’t he?

He took a leather notebook out of his pocket and wrote something on it. He tore the page off and left it on the table. When she came to take his plate away, he put the note on the plate, as if meant to be thrown away but, with a subtle movement of his finger, he indicated that she should read it. He didn’t even glance at her throughout the whole process.

She went behind the counter to read it. It said: “10,000 pesetas for sex.”

Her first reaction was to show it to Lucas. But what was he supposed to do? He wasn’t going to bother the customer about that trifle. And even less so after the problem with the glass shard!

No, she was old enough to handle this type of situation by herself. She was about to throw the note away when she saw the customer giving her an amused smile.

All right, funny guy! Let’s have some fun!

She wrote in the note “20,000 pesetas”. It was a ridiculously large amount of money. She was sure nobody would spend it, just to fuck.

When he was done with his dinner, she put the note under the bill.

He read it, wrote something on it, and called her.

“On second thought, I’m going to have coffee, too. Put it on the bill, please.”

Under the bill there was the note, to which he had added: “Deal.”

She had fallen into her own trap.

Well, no problem. I’ll just throw the note away. Game over.

She felt flattered to be worth such a hefty price.

Twenty thousand pesetas! That’s more than I make working for a month in this damn place! Just for sex. And the guy is good-looking, too! Damn it, and I’m so horny! It’s been more than a week since I’ve been laid. And it’ll be three more weeks before Julio gets back.

She remembered a story she had heard about Groucho Marx.

“Madam, would you sleep with me for a million dollars?” Groucho had asked.

“Of course!” the lady had replied with a chuckle.

“Now, would you sleep with me for five dollars?”

“Gentleman! Who do you think I am?” she replied.

Then came Groucho’s punchline: “We have already established that. Now we are just haggling about the price.”

That was the issue. The price was good, but it meant that she would become a whore. Julio called her that, sometimes, and that turned her on.

But this was no joke. This was the real thing.

“Cecilia! What are you doing? That coffee it’s getting cold on the counter!” Lucas called.

She was torn by doubt. What to do? Tell him that it was all a joke and back out? Go ahead with the adventure?

What would Julio say?

The guy was looking at her out of the corner of his eye, waiting for an answer. She needed to make up her mind.

Let’s look at it rationally. Sex for money… what’s wrong with that? I need both. Such an opportunity doesn’t come every day. It’s an adventure, an erotic adventure, the kind I like. Julio is enjoying his adventures in the Alps. Why shouldn’t I have my own adventure, here in Madrid? He will understand. After all, this is what we talked about, right? To do the erotic revolution. Sex for money. Prostitution. It’s just another taboo. One more barrier to break. Yes, it has to be a rational decision, not based on mere social conventions.

She hurriedly scrawled in the paper: “I’m off at eleven.”

She put the note under the coffee plate and brought it to him. He read it, nodded almost imperceptibly, and put it in his pocket.

Maybe it was just a trick. Like Groucho, the guy had wanted to establish what she was. Now that he had achieved that, he would be satisfied. Maybe he would show the note to his friends. Or, at worst, to Lucas.

She tried not to think about it.

He took his time finishing his coffee. When Cecilia returned with the additional bill, he motioned for her to listen.

“A dark blue Mercedes,” he whispered. “I’ll be in front of the restaurant at eleven.”

She nodded.

It was ten-thirty when he left. She was nervous. She tried to hide it as she cleaned the tables. Every once in a while, thunder rumbled outside.

Sinister ideas came to her mind. What if he raped her? Well, that would be the same, wouldn’t it? Except that she wouldn’t get paid. It was a risk she was willing to take.

Of course, it could be worse. He could hurt her, even kill her. But why would he?

She decided to be careful. Back down at the least sign of danger.

She didn’t finish until five after eleven. Her heart was beating fast as she went out into the street. Gusts of wind swept dry leaves along the sidewalks.

A Mercedes was double-parked a few feet away. It was dark. Blue or black, at night you couldn’t tell.

She walked towards it quickly, looking back to see if someone who knew her was looking.

He was behind the wheel. Was there anyone else in the car? She tried to look through the windows, but the glass was too dark. The interior light went on, long enough for her to see that no one else was there.

He wanted to reassure her.

The door opened.

Cautiously, she sat in the front seat, leaving the door ajar.

How will this turn out? Will Cecilia get hurt? Or will she had the sexual adventure she’s hoping for? What will her boyfriend Julio say when he finds out? To discover the answer to these questions, and enjoy more erotic adventures of Cecilia, read my novel Games of Love and Kink.

Copyright 2022 Hermes Solenzol.

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