Manuscript Analysis: How AI Edited My Novel ‘Cecilia Unleashed’
- Hermes Solenzol
- Jan 21
- 26 min read
The workings of Manuscript Analysis, by ProWritingAid
Manuscript Analysis (MA) is a new feature of the writing app ProWritingAid in which AI is used to create an editorial critique of your novel similar to one done by a human editor. Of course, there is a disclaimer at the top saying that this cannot substitute a human editor. However, the MA critique costs $50, $35 with an annual subscription to ProWritingAid. You would have to pay a human editor hundreds or even thousands of dollars for something similar. For writers like me, with a low budget and little hope of recouping any investment in the novel, this is the only viable alternative.
My novel Cecilia Unleashed is the second book of the trilogy The Liberation of Cecilia. I wrote in Spanish in 2010 and translated it to English in 2025. I ran MA on the Spanish version. With the input of MA, I wrote another edition, which is the one I then translated to English.
Here I am posting the critique that I got from MA for this novel, in the hope that it would help other writers decide if they want to use MA. It is also an interesting look at what the AI output looks like and its possible flaws.
I was surprised at how strong was my impression that somebody had read and understood my novel, even though it took MA about 10 minutes to generate the critique of a novel of 165,000 words. But my biggest surprise was that I fed MA the novel in Spanish. It had no trouble reading it and giving me an output in English. In some of my other novels, it even commented on the different Spanish dialects of my characters!
What follows is the output of MA. It’s a bit long because it’s so comprehensive. My comments are in italics, explaining how I used the advice.
Some spoilers are unavoidable.
Story Overview
Genre: Romance (Erotic Romance Thriller)
Cecilia, heartbroken by Julio's departure for military service, explores her sexuality through sadomasochistic encounters and prostitution at Angelique. Her brother Luis, driven by a twisted sense of honor, violently opposes her choices, leading to a dangerous confrontation and Cecilia's expulsion from her family home. Seeking refuge with friends and exploring unconventional relationships, Cecilia navigates a world of love, betrayal, and self-discovery.
This is a great summary that I can use as a blurb to advertise my novel. However, I modified it substantially, making it a bit longer.
Plot Outline
1. Cecilia's heartbreak and exploration of sadomasochism after Julio leaves for military service.
2. Cecilia's increasing involvement with Johnny and Angelique, a BDSM club and brothel.
3. Luis's discovery of Cecilia's activities and violent confrontation, leading to her expulsion from home.
4. Cecilia seeks refuge with friends Lorenzo and Malena, and continues her work at Angelique.
5. Rising tensions with Luis and his associates culminate in a violent attack and Cecilia's injury.
Narrative Elements
Setting
The story primarily takes place in Madrid, Spain, during the late 1970s, a period of political and social transition following Franco's dictatorship. The settings include Cecilia's family home, the university where she studies, Angelique (a BDSM club and brothel), and the homes of her friends. The atmosphere reflects the changing times, with a mix of traditional values and emerging freedoms.
Themes & Motifs
1. Sexual liberation and repression: Cecilia's exploration of sadomasochism and prostitution juxtaposes with the societal and familial pressures she faces, highlighting the conflict between personal freedom and restrictive norms.
2. Betrayal and loyalty: The shifting dynamics between Cecilia, Julio, and Laura explore themes of betrayal and the complexities of love and friendship, particularly within the context of changing sexual relationships.
3. Violence and control: Luis's violent actions towards Cecilia, driven by a distorted sense of honor, underscore the theme of male control and violence against women as a means of enforcing traditional values.
Competitive Landscape
Potential Readers
The potential readers for this story would likely be adults aged 18 and older, interested in exploring themes of sexual liberation, complex relationships, and the challenges of self-discovery. The target demographic would skew towards women and those with a progressive mindset, comfortable with explicit content. Given the historical and cultural context, readers with an interest in Spanish culture and history, particularly the post-Franco era, might also be drawn to the story. Educational background and income level are less critical, though a certain level of intellectual curiosity is assumed, given the protagonist's academic pursuits and exploration of philosophical concepts.
Similar Books
1. Belle de Jour by Joseph Kessel: Both stories feature female protagonists who explore their sexuality through prostitution, grappling with societal expectations and personal desires.
2. Fear of Flying by Erica Jong: Similar to Cecilia's journey, Isadora Wing in Fear of Flying embarks on a quest for sexual liberation and self-discovery, challenging conventional norms and embracing her desires.
3. The Story of O by Pauline Réage: Both stories delve into the world of BDSM, exploring themes of submission, dominance, and the complexities of sexual relationships.
I had read all three of these novels. Story of O is cited often in my novel; some of its passages even inspired my characters in some of the passages of my novel. However, the similarities with Belle de Jour and Fear of Flying are very small. My novel was more inspired by the books of Almudena Grandes and by the ‘Cuentame’ Spanish television series.
Characters
This is very interesting, although it would have been more helpful if MA explained what the different labels mean. I guess ‘dynamic’ means that the character changes during the story, while ‘static’ means that a character is not affected very much by the plot. ‘Round’ probably means a complex character that doesn’t change. You want all your main characters to be dynamic; I managed that with the three main characters, Cecilia, Julio and Laura, with a secondary charter, Malena, and a tertiary character, Marcos. The other labels - explorer, lover, ruler, outlaw, sage, caregiver, innocent and everyman - are self-explanatory. However, I feel that my main characters are much more complex than these labels indicate.
Similar Characters
1. Cecilia: Similar to Anaïs Nin's character in Delta of Venus, Cecilia embraces sexual exploration and pushes boundaries, defying societal expectations.
2. Julio: Julio's struggle with his sadistic tendencies and desire for a conventional relationship mirrors the internal conflict of Christian Grey in Fifty Shades of Grey.
3. Laura: Laura's complex relationship with Cecilia, marked by both friendship and betrayal, resembles the dynamics between Catherine and Heathcliff in Wuthering Heights.
I didn’t like these comparisons at all. In fact, I was horrified that the sensate Julio is compared with the neurotic Christian Gray. This part was not helpful.
The Table of Contents is useful because it shows how each chapter works in the plot. It also indicates which character is the point-of-view (POV). My novel has two POVs: Cecilia and Julio.
Narrative Themes
MA scores each item on a four-point scale:
‘Working well’ is a successful feature.
‘Minor concern’ I took to mean some to pay attention to, but that can be left as it is.
‘Concern’ is a flaw that needs to be changed.
‘Major concern’ I took to mean something that can decrease the overall quality of the novel.
I found this scale not to be accurate. MA disregarded some major concerns, while some minor ones prompted me to introduce changes.
Compelling Exploration of Female Sexuality - Working well
The story delves into the complexities of female sexuality through Cecilia's exploration of sadomasochism and prostitution, offering a nuanced and thought-provoking portrayal of her desires, motivations, and struggles. The narrative avoids simplistic judgments and presents a multifaceted perspective on female sexual agency.
Where in your text
This exploration is evident throughout the manuscript, particularly in Chapters 7, 8, 9, 10, 15, 16, 18, 20, 21, and 27.
Effective Use of Music - Working well
The narrative effectively uses music, particularly the songs of Leonard Cohen and Bob Marley, to reinforce the story's themes and create an emotional resonance. The selected songs reflect the characters' inner states and the social and political context of the story.
Where in your text
This is evident throughout the manuscript, particularly in Chapters 2, 3, 6, 8, and 18.
The music was not added as an afterthought. The different songs became a source of inspiration for the plot, particularly for the emotions I wanted to show in each passage. I gradually constructed a playlist, which I played for inspiration.
Effective Use of Symbolism - Working well
The story uses symbolism effectively, such as the vara representing Cecilia's relationship with Julio and her exploration of sadomasochism, and the Anima Sola image reflecting her internal struggles and her search for liberation. These symbols add layers of meaning and enrich the narrative's impact.
Where in your text
The vara's symbolism is evident in Chapters 1, 3, and 19, while the Anima Sola image is discussed in Chapter 8.
MA did not translate the Spanish word ‘vara’, which is a cane used in BDSM to hit.
Pseudo-Intellectualism in Discussions - Minor concern
The philosophical and political discussions between characters sometimes feel superficial and contrived, using complex terminology without genuine depth or insight. These discussions can feel like info-dumps rather than authentic conversations.
Where in your text
This issue is most noticeable in Chapter 17, during the dinner conversation about communism and socialism, and in some of Cecilia's conversations with Yi Shen about Buddhism and Eastern philosophy.
Suggested improvements
Ground the philosophical and political discussions in the characters' personal experiences and motivations. Make the conversations more organic and relatable, avoiding overly academic or abstract language. Show the characters grappling with these ideas in a way that feels authentic and relevant to their lives.
This is a constant criticism of MA in all my novels. The AI just doesn’t like any kind of intellectual discussion inserted into the plot. However, I think that MA is very poor at judging the intellectual quality of any discussion. My inspiration was the novels of Aldous Huxley, in which intellectual discussions are so extensive that these books seem like a cross between fiction and non-fiction. My intellectual discussions are much shorter than that.
However, I did change Chapter 17, taking out the political arguments and including accounts of Yi Shen’s lived experiences instead.
Underdeveloped Theme of Sexual Liberation - Minor concern
While Cecilia's exploration of sexuality is a central theme, the narrative doesn't fully explore the nuances and complexities of sexual liberation in the context of post-Franco Spain. The theme feels somewhat underdeveloped and lacks deeper social and political context.
Where in your text
This issue is noticeable throughout the manuscript, as Cecilia's sexual experiences are primarily portrayed through personal encounters rather than being connected to the broader social and political landscape.
Suggested improvements
Develop the theme of sexual liberation more deeply by connecting Cecilia's experiences to the changing social and political climate of post-Franco Spain. Show how her exploration of sexuality challenges traditional norms and reflects the broader societal shifts towards greater freedom and openness.
The problem with this and other criticism is that MA cannot take into account the fact that this book is part of a trilogy. What it demands here is accomplished when all the three books are taken into account. Besides, the experiences of Cecilia, Julio and Laura are quite unique because BDSM was marginal in Spain during its transition to democracy.
Oversimplification of Political Context - Minor concern
The political context of post-Franco Spain, particularly the tensions between different political factions and the threat of a coup, is oversimplified and lacks nuanced exploration. The narrative reduces complex political issues to simplistic explanations and characterizations.
Where in your text
This issue is noticeable in Chapters 2, 17, and 25, where political discussions and events are portrayed in a somewhat simplistic and polarized manner.
Suggested improvements
Develop the political context more deeply, showing the complexities of the political landscape and the nuances of different ideological viewpoints. Explore the historical events and social factors that have shaped the political climate, providing a more nuanced and informative portrayal of the era.
I think MA misses the point here. This is also in conflict with its previous criticism of political discussions. It would be impossible to talk more about the politics of the time without the characters engaging in lengthy arguments. In any case, each of the major events in the history of the Spanish transition to democracy is carefully dated and represented in the novel. The AI just doesn’t seem to know about them. I lived them.
Plot & Structure
Inconsistent Timeline of Julio's Mili - Concern
The timeline of Julio's military service is unclear and inconsistent. The duration of his training, time spent at different locations, and the timing of his leave periods are contradictory and confusing.
Where in your text
This issue is evident throughout the manuscript, particularly in chapters where Julio's military experiences are discussed (Chapters 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5), and becomes more noticeable during his interactions with Cecilia and Laura in later chapters.
Suggested improvements
Create a clear timeline for Julio's military service, outlining the key events, locations, and durations. Ensure that references to his time in the military are consistent and accurate throughout the manuscript.
Here is another major flaw of MA: it seems to have problems with timelines and measures of any kind. In fact, each event of Julio’s military service is carefully narrated, because they are based on my own military service in the Spanish army in 1980.
Disregarded.
Unclear Causality of Parental Abuse - Concern
The reasons for Cecilia's father's sudden shift from physical abuse to a more conciliatory approach are unclear and unearned. His change in behavior lacks a clear catalyst or explanation, making it feel inconsistent with his established character.
Where in your text
This issue is evident in Chapter 27, during Cecilia's phone conversation with her father, where he expresses remorse and offers help without a clear motivation.
Suggested improvements
Provide a more plausible explanation for Cecilia's father's change in behavior. This could involve revealing hidden motivations, external influences, or a gradual change of heart based on specific events.
Again, this is because MA doesn’t know about the previous novel in the trilogy. MA doesn’t seem to understand the subtleties of the phone conversation between Cecilia and her father in Chapter 27, which is hugely important. While Luis threatened Cecilia with physical violence, her father announced something far more dangerous.
Disregarded, although I examined this phone conversation carefully and changed it to anticipate events in my fifth novel.
Uneven Pacing of Cecilia's Transformation - Concern
The pacing of Cecilia's transformation from a devout Catholic to a sexually liberated prostitute feels rushed and unearned. The narrative skips over important emotional and psychological stages, making her drastic change in lifestyle less believable.
Where in your text
This issue is evident in Chapters 7 and 8, where Cecilia makes the decision to work at Angelique, and her subsequent embrace of prostitution feels abrupt and lacking in internal conflict.
Suggested improvements
Develop Cecilia's transformation more gradually, showing her internal struggles, doubts, and the process of shedding her religious beliefs and embracing a new identity. Add scenes that explore her emotional and psychological journey, making her transformation more relatable and believable.
Again, the main transformation of Cecilia happens in the first book of the series.
Disregarded.
Implausible Impunity of Luis' Crimes - Concern
Luis's criminal actions, including kidnapping, assault, and attempted mutilation, lack realistic consequences. His impunity, despite Cecilia's police report and don Fernando's intervention, stretches believability and undermines the story's tension.
Where in your text
This issue is evident in Chapters 23, 24, and 25, where Luis continues to threaten and pursue Cecilia without facing any legal repercussions.
Suggested improvements
Introduce realistic consequences for Luis's actions. Show the legal system or other characters actively intervening to stop his criminal behavior. This could involve investigations, arrests, or other forms of repercussions that raise the stakes and add a sense of danger.
MA doesn’t know the level of impunity with which young fascists operated in Spain at that time. This was intentionally directed from the government as a way to discourage protests against the regime. This criticism seems based on the legal situation in the USA in the 21st century. Still, in my fourth novel there is a trial of Luis for what he did to Cecilia.
Underutilized Yi Shen's Backstory - Concern
Yi Shen's compelling backstory, revealed in Chapter 16, feels underutilized and disconnected from the main narrative. The potential of his experiences in Vietnam and his philosophical insights is not fully explored or integrated into the story's themes.
Where in your text
The backstory is revealed in Chapter 16, during Yi Shen's conversation with Cecilia.
Suggested improvements
Integrate Yi Shen's backstory more effectively into the main narrative, showing how his experiences have shaped his philosophy and how he applies his wisdom to help Cecilia and other characters. Explore the parallels between his trauma and Malena's, creating deeper connections between their characters and the story's themes.
This was one of the most helpful suggestions of MA. It led to a re-write of Chapter 17 to include Yin Shen’s story in his interaction with Cecilia, Julio and Malena.
Weak Climax of Street Confrontation - Concern
The climax of the street confrontation with Luis feels rushed and anticlimactic. The events leading up to the attack and its resolution lack tension and don't fully utilize the built-up animosity between Cecilia and Luis.
Where in your text
The climax occurs in Chapter 27, during the street confrontation in Vallecas.
Suggested improvements
Rewrite the climax to increase the tension and emotional impact. Develop the events leading up to the attack more gradually, building suspense and highlighting the danger Cecilia faces. Show the physical and emotional consequences of the confrontation in more detail, making it a more powerful and memorable moment.
Another extremely useful suggestion. The novel ends in a dramatic scene, but it is true that there was no built-up to it. It just springs upon the reader by surprise. I re-wrote Chapter 27 and some of the previous chapters to build more tension and intensify the drama.
Excessive Internal Monologue of Cecilia - Concern
Cecilia's frequent and lengthy internal monologues often interrupt the flow of the narrative and slow down the pacing. These extended introspective passages sometimes rehash information or reiterate her emotional state without adding significant insight.
Where in your text
This issue is evident throughout the manuscript, particularly in chapters where Cecilia is grappling with her feelings about Julio, Laura, and her own choices, such as Chapters 1, 6, 14, 18, 20, 22, 25, and 27.
Suggested improvements
Condense or eliminate some of Cecilia's internal monologues, particularly those that repeat information or don't contribute to plot development or character growth. Use dialogue, actions, or interactions with other characters to reveal her inner thoughts and feelings more organically.
This was one of my worries about the novel. It is true that there are lengthy sequences of internal monologue in italics, which are disliked by some writers. However, it was important for me to make the reader completely identify with Cecilia. That’s why I want to place the reader inside Cecilia’s head. I checked, though, and found that it is not true that the internal dialogues do not convey important information. They are essential to show Cecilia’s emotions and motivations.
Implausible Impunity of Cecilia - Minor concern
Cecilia faces no legal repercussions for engaging in prostitution, despite its illegality in Spain at the time. This lack of consequences undermines the realism of the setting and diminishes the potential tension.
Where in your text
This issue is pervasive throughout the latter half of the manuscript, particularly in chapters where Cecilia works at Angelique and discusses her profession with other characters.
Suggested improvements
Acknowledge the legal risks associated with prostitution in 1970s Spain. Show Cecilia taking precautions to avoid arrest or facing the potential consequences of her actions. This could involve interactions with corrupt officials, close calls with the law, or discussions about the legal risks with other prostitutes.
Cecilia is being reckless; that’s who she is. However, the legal situation in Spain at the time was irregular, with a lot of permissiveness for the upper class being intertwined with repression of the lower classes. That’s why prostitution in the business neighborhoods in Madrid was tolerated. However, Cecilia faces such legal consequences in later novels.
Implausible Travel to Vigo - Minor concern
Cecilia and Julio's trip to Vigo and their subsequent travels around the area seem rushed and logistically implausible given the time constraints and their limited resources. They cover unrealistic distances in short periods, undermining the realism of the setting.
Where in your text
This issue is evident in Chapter 18, where Cecilia and Julio travel from Santiago to Vigo, then to Cangas, Barra beach, and Donón within a single day, while needing to be back for Cecilia's return train and Julio's return to the barracks.
Suggested improvements
Adjust the timeline or logistics of their trip to make it more believable. Consider adding more details about transportation, travel time, and the practicalities of their movements, ensuring that their itinerary aligns with the realistic possibilities within the given timeframe.
Another example of how the AI used for MA has trouble with timelines. I have done this trip myself, so I know exactly how much time everything takes. However, I took this prompt to make some changes in Chapter 18 based on my more recent experiences in these places.
Repetitive Cecilia's Inner Conflicts - Minor concern
Cecilia's internal conflicts, particularly her struggles with jealousy and her desire for Julio, are repeatedly rehashed throughout the manuscript without significant development or resolution. These repetitive patterns can feel monotonous and hinder character growth.
Where in your text
This issue is noticeable in Cecilia's internal monologues and dialogues with Laura and Julio, where she frequently expresses her jealousy and her longing for Julio, such as in Chapters 1, 3, 5, 12, 18, 22, and 25.
Suggested improvements
Vary Cecilia's internal conflicts and show her emotional development. Introduce new challenges or perspectives that force her to confront her jealousy and her attachment to Julio in different ways. Show her learning and growing from these experiences, making her internal journey more dynamic and engaging.
Cecilia is stuck emotionally, and so is Julio. They both come out of their paralysis in the next novel of the trilogy. In this one, this emotional paralysis is an important part of the plot that prevents a quicker resolution of one of the main conflicts.
Lack of Tension in Cecilia's Escape - Minor concern
Cecilia's escape from Luis's apartment lacks tension and suspense. The narrative skips over crucial details of her escape, making it feel too easy and unearned. The potential danger of the situation is not fully realized.
Where in your text
The escape occurs in Chapter 21.
Suggested improvements
Rewrite Cecilia's escape to heighten the tension and suspense. Provide more detail about her actions, her thought process, and the obstacles she overcomes. Show the physical and emotional challenges she faces, making her escape more thrilling and believable.
This is simply not true. Cecilia’s escape is full of tension, danger and close-calls. I revised Chapter 21 and found no problems.
Implausible Coincidence of Remi's Connection - Minor concern
The coincidence of Remi, Cecilia's first client, having known her mother as a prostitute feels contrived and implausible. This coincidence stretches believability and undermines the realism of the narrative.
Where in your text
This coincidence occurs in Chapter 9 and is revisited in Chapter 20.
Suggested improvements
Rework the connection between Remi and Cecilia's mother to make it less coincidental and more organically integrated into the story. This could involve creating a more plausible backstory for Remi or establishing a different kind of connection between the two families.
Yes, there is coincidence here, but serendipity does happen in real life. My rule is that I am allowed one fortuitous event per novel. There are not so many men who go to prostitutes, and not many brothels in Madrid at the time, so this incident is not that unlikely.
Repetitive Use of Rivers of Babylon - Minor concern
The repeated use of the song Rivers of Babylon, while thematically relevant, becomes somewhat heavy-handed and predictable. The song's recurrence loses its impact and can feel like a contrived motif.
Where in your text
The song appears in Chapters 21, 22, and 27.
Suggested improvements
Vary the musical references and use other songs or cultural elements to reinforce the themes of exile, captivity, and liberation. This will create a richer and more nuanced soundscape for the story, avoiding the repetitive use of a single song.
Rivers of Babylon sounded continuously in 1978. At the time, there were not so many radio stations in Spain, and they played the same songs over and over again. Music was not as diverse in 1978 as it is now. Besides, I use the repetition of the song to enhance the oppressive atmosphere of these chapters. The song acts as a mirror to bring back Cecilia’s trauma and change her actions.
Characters
Engaging Portrayal of Cecilia's Defiance - Working well
Cecilia's defiant spirit and determination to live life on her own terms, despite facing societal and familial pressures, are compellingly portrayed. Her proactive choices and her refusal to be controlled create a strong and inspiring character arc.
Where in your text
This defiance is evident in Chapters 7, 11, 21, 24, 25, and 27.
Cecilia's Implausible Angelique Success - Major concern
Cecilia's sudden success and popularity at Angelique, despite being new and inexperienced, feels unrealistic and unearned. Her effortless ability to attract and satisfy clients contradicts the struggles described by other prostitutes.
Where in your text
This issue arises in Chapter 11, during Cecilia's conversation with Carolina about the difficulties of the job, and continues through subsequent chapters detailing her work at Angelique.
Suggested improvements
Make Cecilia's success more believable by showing her learning and adapting to the challenges of prostitution. Portray her initial struggles and gradual improvement, rather than instant popularity. This could involve interactions with other prostitutes, difficult clients, or moments of self-doubt and reflection.
I did some research on prostitution. In every brothel there is a ‘queen’ prostitute who is wanted by most clients and envied by the other whores. Cecilia ascends to this position because 1) she’s young and sexy; 2) she’s educated and well-spoken, a college student; 3) throughout all my novels, I give Cecilia a ‘super-power’, which is that everybody falls in love with her. Some people are charismatic, and Cecilia is one of them.
The fact that this is rated as a major concern signals a flaw with MA, in my opinion. It’s not good at rating the importance of criticisms.
Compelling Backstory of Yi Shen - Working well
Yi Shen's backstory, revealed in Chapter 16, is compelling and adds depth to his character. His experiences in Vietnam, his escape to Thailand, and his time as a Buddhist monk provide a rich and intriguing background that informs his actions and his philosophy.
Where in your text
This backstory is revealed in Chapter 16.
Poignant Depiction of Malena's Trauma - Working well
Malena's trauma and her struggles with panic attacks are poignantly portrayed, creating a realistic and empathetic depiction of her emotional vulnerability. Her character's flaws and her efforts to heal add depth and complexity to the narrative.
Where in your text
This portrayal is evident in Chapters 15, 17, and 27.
Inconsistent Portrayal of Concha - Concern
Concha's character is inconsistently portrayed, shifting between caring and hostile behavior towards Cecilia without clear reasons or transitions. Her actions and dialogue often contradict her established personality and motivations.
Where in your text
This inconsistency is noticeable in Chapter 1, during Concha's interactions with Cecilia regarding Julio, and becomes more prominent in later chapters, such as Chapter 26 where they discuss Cecilia's prostitution.
Suggested improvements
Develop a more consistent and nuanced portrayal of Concha. Explore her internal conflicts, motivations, and the reasons behind her shifting behavior towards Cecilia. Provide clearer transitions between her caring and hostile moments, showing the emotional or situational triggers.
MA doesn’t appreciate the complexity of Cecilia’s mother. She carries a profound trauma and heartbreak inside her that is hinted in this novel and fully resolved in my fourth novel.
The problem with the AI is that it has no patience with mysteries in the plot designed to add depth to the narrative and excite the curiosity of the reader.
Unbelievable Laura's Sudden Generosity - Concern
Laura's sudden generosity and support for Cecilia, after their falling out and her engagement to Julio, feels unearned and inconsistent with her established character. Her motivations for helping Cecilia are unclear and lack a believable explanation.
Where in your text
This issue arises in Chapter 22, where Laura offers Cecilia shelter and support despite their strained relationship, and continues in subsequent chapters where Laura actively helps Cecilia avoid Luis.
Suggested improvements
Provide a more plausible explanation for Laura's change in behavior. Explore her internal conflicts, motivations, and the reasons behind her sudden generosity. Show her emotional journey and the process of reconciling with Cecilia, making her actions more believable.
Same problem. The motivations of Laura are the biggest mystery in the trilogy, leading to an unexpected explanation in the third novel. I am actually glad that the AI was not smart enough to guess Laura’s motives.
Unrealistic Dialogues - Concern
The dialogues often feel unrealistic and stilted, with characters speaking in overly formal or expository ways. The conversations lack natural flow and don't always reflect the characters' personalities or emotional states.
Where in your text
This issue is evident throughout the manuscript, particularly in scenes involving complex explanations or emotional confrontations, such as Cecilia's conversations with Yi Shen, Julio, and Laura.
Suggested improvements
Rewrite the dialogues to make them more natural and believable. Use contractions, colloquialisms, and interruptions to create a more authentic flow. Tailor the language and tone to each character's personality and emotional state, ensuring that their voices are distinct and relatable.
There is little I can do to change this. My characters live in my head and speak with their own voices. It’s true that dialogues in novels are unrealistic in that, in real life, there are much more interruptions and people speaking over each other. However, this does not make good narrative. Few novels show this kind of messy dialogue. Even movies don’t do it.
Contradictory Character Details of Laura - Concern
Laura's character exhibits contradictory behavior, shifting between genuine concern for Cecilia and manipulative actions to secure her relationship with Julio. These inconsistencies make her motivations unclear and her character less believable.
Where in your text
This issue is evident throughout the manuscript, particularly in Chapter 5, where Laura orchestrates the ménage à trois, and in Chapters 19, 22, 25, and 27, where her actions and dialogue reveal conflicting intentions.
Suggested improvements
Clarify Laura's motivations and create a more consistent portrayal of her character. Explore her internal conflicts and the reasons behind her manipulative behavior, showing her emotional journey and the complexities of her relationship with both Cecilia and Julio.
I addressed this above. Laura’s character makes complete sense once you understand what she really wants. Smart readers would have guessed it halfway through this novel. Some of my beta readers did. The AI is clueless, which is great!
Strong Voice of Cecilia - Working well
Cecilia's voice, particularly in her internal monologues, is strong and distinctive, reflecting her intelligence, her emotional intensity, and her defiant spirit. Her unique perspective and her willingness to challenge societal norms create a compelling and memorable character.
Where in your text
This is evident throughout the manuscript, particularly in Chapters 6, 8, 14, 18, and 25.
So, are Cecilia’s internal monologues good or bad? The AI sometimes gives contradictory instructions.
Inconsistent Character Details of Cecilia - Minor concern
Cecilia's physical appearance and clothing choices are inconsistently described, sometimes appearing glamorous and provocative, and other times dressed for practicality and anonymity. These inconsistencies detract from her character's coherence.
Where in your text
This issue is noticeable throughout the manuscript, particularly in scenes where Cecilia is working at Angelique (Chapters 11, 15, 17, 20) compared to when she is trying to avoid Luis (Chapters 24, 26).
Suggested improvements
Create a more consistent visual portrayal of Cecilia. Consider her motivations and context when describing her clothing and appearance. If she is trying to avoid detection, her attire should reflect this. When she is working or engaging in BDSM activities, her appearance can be more provocative, aligning with the context of those scenes.
Cecilia is like any other real woman: she changes clothes and personalities depending on which environment she’s in. It seems like the AI wants me to turn Cecilia into a stereotype, instead of the complex and changing woman that she is. I see this as a strength of my novel.
Underdeveloped Malena's Healing - Minor concern
Malena's healing process from her past trauma feels somewhat rushed and underdeveloped. While the narrative shows her initial breakthrough, it doesn't fully explore the complexities of her recovery or its long-term impact on her relationship with Lorenzo.
Where in your text
This issue is evident in Chapter 17, where Malena reveals her past trauma and experiences a cathartic moment, but the subsequent chapters don't delve deeply into her ongoing healing process.
Suggested improvements
Develop Malena's healing journey more thoroughly. Show her coping with the aftermath of revealing her trauma, her ongoing struggles, and her gradual recovery. Explore how her healing affects her relationship with Lorenzo and her overall sense of self, making her character arc more impactful and relatable.
MA is right in that trauma like Malena’s doesn’t heal so easily. However, this story is about Cecilia, not Malena. Dwelling too much on Malena’s healing process would distract from the main plot. In successive novel’s Malena’s trauma resurfaces repeatedly, as it would happen in real life. In this novel, I just show that Malena, Lorenzo and Cecilia successfully learn how to manage Malena’s main trigger: sex. This is realistic.
Unclear Yi Shen's Motivations - Minor concern
Yi Shen's motivations for helping Cecilia and other prostitutes are not fully explored or explained. While the narrative hints at his compassion and his Buddhist beliefs, the reasons behind his dedication to their well-being are not entirely clear.
Where in your text
This issue is noticeable throughout the manuscript, particularly in scenes where Yi Shen offers advice or support to Cecilia and other prostitutes, such as Chapters 7, 11, 16, and 24.
Suggested improvements
Develop Yi Shen's motivations more clearly. Connect his actions to specific experiences from his backstory, demonstrating how his past has shaped his compassion and his desire to help others. This could involve flashbacks, internal monologues, or dialogues with other characters that reveal his inner thoughts and beliefs.
I think I explained Yi Shen’s motives quite well. His Buddhism is enough. Perhaps the AI doesn’t understand Buddhism?
Inconsistent Portrayal of Yi Shen - Minor concern
Yi Shen's character is inconsistently portrayed, sometimes acting as a wise and compassionate mentor, and other times exhibiting a more detached and pragmatic approach. These inconsistencies can be jarring and make his character feel less cohesive.
Where in your text
This issue is noticeable in the contrast between Yi Shen's philosophical discussions with Cecilia (Chapters 7 and 16) and his more practical advice and actions related to Angelique (Chapters 7, 11, and 24).
Suggested improvements
Develop a more consistent and nuanced portrayal of Yi Shen, reconciling his philosophical beliefs with his practical actions. Show how his compassion and his pragmatic approach work together to inform his decisions and his interactions with other characters.
Again, the AI seems to have a problem with real people and their contradictions. If anything, real people are even more irrational than Yi Shen.
Unclear Motivations Behind Luis's Actions - Minor concern
Luis's motivations for persecuting Cecilia are not fully explored or explained beyond a simplistic sense of family honor and a desire to control her. The narrative doesn't delve deeply into his psychological complexities or the underlying reasons behind his violent behavior.
Where in your text
This issue is apparent throughout the manuscript, as Luis's actions and dialogue primarily focus on controlling Cecilia's behavior without revealing his deeper motivations.
Suggested improvements
Explore Luis's motivations more thoroughly, going beyond surface-level explanations of family honor and control. Show his internal struggles, his psychological complexities, and the underlying reasons behind his obsession with Cecilia and his violent behavior.
Luis is kept mysterious on purpose. The novel is narrated from Cecilia’s point of view, and she doesn’t completely understand her brother. This mystery makes Luis more threatening because he is unpredictable.
Inconsistent Behavior of Yi Shen - Minor concern
Yi Shen's reluctance to help Cecilia confront Luis directly contradicts his established character as a protector and his history of confronting injustice. This inconsistency undermines his credibility and makes his motivations unclear.
Where in your text
This issue is evident in Chapter 24, when Cecilia proposes a plan for revenge against Luis, and Yi Shen expresses reservations and suggests alternative solutions.
Suggested improvements
Develop Yi Shen's response to Cecilia's situation more consistently. Explain his reluctance to engage in direct confrontation with Luis, connecting it to his past experiences or his philosophical beliefs. Show his internal struggles and his thought process, making his decisions more believable.
I think is plenty clear why Yi Shen doesn’t want to attack Luis: this will just escalate the problem. His solution is much wiser.
Setting
Vivid Depiction of BDSM Encounters - Working well
The BDSM encounters between Cecilia and Johnny, and later with Marcos, are vividly described, creating an intense and immersive experience for the reader. The narrative effectively uses sensory details and emotional nuances to capture the power dynamics, the physical sensations, and the psychological complexities of these encounters.
Where in your text
These encounters are vividly depicted in Chapters 10, 15, and 17.
Of course! I have plenty of personal experience in BDSM, unlike many people who write about it without first-hand experience.
Inconsistent Details of Angelique - Concern
The portrayal of Angelique is inconsistent, shifting between a safe haven for prostitutes and a potentially dangerous environment. The narrative doesn't reconcile these conflicting aspects, making the setting feel less believable.
Where in your text
This issue is apparent in Chapters 9 and 11, where the positive aspects of Angelique are emphasized, but later chapters (like 21 and 24) highlight the dangers Cecilia faces due to her association with the establishment.
Suggested improvements
Develop a more nuanced and consistent portrayal of Angelique, acknowledging both its positive and negative aspects. Show the complexities of the environment and how the characters navigate the potential dangers while finding support within the community.
Angelique wants to be a safe haven for prostitutes, but not always succeeds in being that. This is just life. The problematic of Angelique becomes one of the plot points in my fourth novel, Cecilia’s Tribe.
Authentic Portrayal of Post-Franco Madrid - Working well
While not pervasive, the story offers glimpses into the social and cultural atmosphere of post-Franco Madrid, creating a sense of time and place. The descriptions of specific locations, like the Café Molinero and the streets of Malasaña, evoke the city's unique character and historical context.
Where in your text
These glimpses are evident in Chapters 2, 7, 9, 11, and 21.
Of course! I lived those years.
Weak Sense of Place in Madrid Setting - Minor concern
The portrayal of Madrid lacks distinct atmosphere and sensory details, making the setting feel generic and unmemorable. The narrative doesn't fully capture the city's unique character or its social and cultural nuances.
Where in your text
This issue is evident throughout the manuscript, as the descriptions of Madrid are often vague and lack specific details that evoke a strong sense of place.
Suggested improvements
Add more vivid descriptions and sensory details to bring Madrid to life. Capture the city's unique atmosphere, its architectural style, its cultural nuances, and the social dynamics of its different neighborhoods. Use sensory details to evoke a stronger sense of place and immerse the reader in the setting.
This contradicts the previous comment. It sounds like the AI wants me to write a tourist guide to Madrid. My description of Malasaña during Cecilia’s escape is quite detailed. The Madrid I show here is quite different from what a tourist would experience.
Conclusion: How good is MA?
Despite all my disagreements, I am quite happy that I used MA. Amongst the many wrong critiques, there were two or three that made me make some major changes in the novel. I think that my novel is much better now.
The main advantage of MA, just like with a human editor, is to force you to see your novel from a different point of view. It brings to the foreground some questions that you may not ask otherwise. A human editor may do a better job, but most writers cannot afford one. And human editors may bring their own prejudices, too. In a novel about controversial and upsetting subjects like BDSM, gender violence and rape, the author risks getting enmeshed justifying his ideas to the editor. AI doesn’t argue or try to change your beliefs.
In summary, it is important to read the criticism of MA with an open mind, being aware of the limitations of AI.
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